We ought to get a life, but this one is TOOO much fun to give up! -- ???, in one fandom or another

I'll get a life when someone demonstrates that it would be superior to what I have now.

I am not obsessive compulsive; I can stop anytime I want as soon as I fall dead asleep.

After 36 hours of no sleep, you start to see lots of interesting new colors.

Weird? I'm not weird. Strange, yes, demented even, but not weird! You see things and you say 'why?'
But I dream things that never were, and say, 'Why not?'

Which is better, sex or staring at static on a TV screen until your eyes burn out?
I prefer sex until your eyes burn out.

Life is like a box of chocolates... in a Monty Python skit!

Caffeine is a wonderful thing and without it I think my eyeballs could fall out.

Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'Lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn. I„! I„! Cthulhu fhtagn! Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah-nagl fhtagn! -- Text found embedded deep within the code of Windows 95. It explains much.

Theory: when you have ideas. Ideology: when ideas have you.

Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation; the other Eight are Unimportant.

"I'm the lady in black today, mourning my lost youth."
"What's his name?"

Apparently if you stop at a traffic light, you must immediately regress 2000 years. I get behind people like that all the time. -- Somebody watching a ForeverKnight episode

Sometimes I lie awake at night in my bed and I watch the stars, and I wonder, where the fuck is my ceiling?

I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, 'I'm going to mop the floor with your face.' I said, 'You'll be sorry.' He said, 'Oh, yeah? Why?' I said, 'Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well.'

The way to a man's heart is through his chest cavity with a chainsaw.

Duncan MacButShe'sAWomanAndIHadSexWithHer of the Clan McChivalry...

It's a job, and somebody dirty's got to do it -- ???, re X-Files slash

Anything once, twice if I don't get permanently injured first time

There's no such thing as too much Methos -- Gillian Eldridge's sig file

I am torch of Borg. Resistance is futile. -- torch, converting someone to yet another fandom with slashfiction

There's not nearly enough room in my closet for what I get up to. -- The Comtessa of Lucharbar

If you can't afford a Rolls Royce, don't want one.

Try holding your breath for as long as it takes your home page to load.

The thing women have got to learn is that nobody gives you power. You just take it.

"It's too bad she won't live! But then again, who does?" -- from 'Bladerunner'

Voici mon secret. Il est très simple: on ne voit bien qu'avec le coeur. L'essentiel est invisible pour les yeux.

I know but one freedom, and that is the freedom of the mind.

I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time.

I think I've discovered the secret of life - you just hang around until you get used to it.

Yesterday I was a dog. Today I'm a dog. Tomorrow I'll probably still be a dog. Sigh! There's so little hope for advancement. -- Snoopy

The difference between fiction and reality is that fiction has to make sense

fight war, not wars. destroy power, not people.

You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is.

A well-known scientist (some say it was Bertrand Russel) once gave a public lecture on astronomy. He described how the earth orbited around the sun and how the sun, in turn, orbits around the center of a vast collection of stars called our galaxy. And the end of the lecture a little old lady at the back of the room got up and said: 'What you have told us is rubbish. The world is really a flat plate supported on the back of a giant tortoise.' The scientist gave a superior smile before replying,' What's the turtle standing on?' 'You're very clever, young man, very clever,' said the old lady,'but it's turtles all the way down!'

I believe in looking reality straight in the eye and denying it.

The cure for everything is salt water: Sweat, tears, or the sea.

"You know what happens if we don't take that chance?" "What?" "Nothing." -- from the movie 'Braveheart'

I can't listen to that much Wagner. I start getting the urge to conquer Poland. -- from 'Manhatten Murder Mystery'

If Jesus Christ came back today and saw what was being done in his name, he'd never stop throwing up.

If it is tourist season, why can't I shoot them?

Harriet: Do you actually like Haggis? Charlie: No, I think it's repellent in every way. In fact, I think most Scottish cuisine is based on a dare.

Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps.

I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.

We have strange and wonderful relationship. You're strange and I'm wonderful.

I can see clearly now, the brain is gone...

Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle and will piss on your computer.

I have a firm grip on reality. Now I can strangle it.

God invented man because Eve's vibrator ran out of batteries.

God invented men because he wanted a good laugh.

I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.

If life hands you a lemon, break out the tequila and salt!

The temperature of Heaven can be rather accurately computed. Our authority is Isaiah 30:26, "Moreover, the light of the Moon shall be as the light of the Sun and the light of the Sun shall be sevenfold, as the light of seven days." Thus Heaven receives from the Moon as much radiation as we do from the Sun, and in addition 7*7 (49) times as much as the Earth does from the Sun, or 50 times in all. The light we receive from the Moon is one 1/10,000 of the light we receive from the Sun, so we can ignore that ... The radiation falling on Heaven will heat it to the point where the heat lost by radiation is just equal to the heat received by radiation, i.e., Heaven loses 50 times as much heat as the Earth by radiation. Using the Stefan-Boltzmann law for radiation, (H/E)^4 = 50, where E is the absolute temperature of the earth (-300K), gives H as 798K (525C). The exact temperature of Hell cannot be computed ... [However] Revelations 21:8 says "But the fearful, and unbelieving ... shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone." A lake of molten brimstone means that its temperature must be at or below the boiling point, 444.6C. We have, then, that Heaven, at 525C is hotter than Hell at 445C. -- From "Applied Optics" vol. 11, A14, 1972

Natives who beat drums to drive off evil spirits are objects of scorn to smart Americans who blow horns to break up traffic jams.

"Let's be doomed and angst-ridden together and screw a lot while waiting for disaster to strike." -- How Krycek would propose to Mulder, by torch

"What shall we hang, the holly or each other?" -- A Lion in Winter (great movie, btw!)

Wicked is evil, but with more humor, style, and sex appeal.

That's my main argument against public breast-feeding: I can't see a damn thing. It's such a tease.

If man evolved from the ape, how come there are still apes around? Some of them were given choices. -- Johnny Hart's comic strip "B. C."

Men... give them an inch... and they add it to their own.

If men could get pregnant, abortion would be a sacrament.

If they can put a man on the moon, then why can't they just put them all there?

PMS is something that makes a woman act once a month like a man acts every day.

The guy who said all men are created equal never went to a nudist colony.

They say that men only think about sex. That's not exactly true. They also care a lot about power, world domination, money, and beer.

If you resist reading what you disagree with, how will you ever acquire deeper insights into what you believe? The things most worth reading are precisely those that challenge our convictions.

No one can make you inferior without your consent.

*From Picard, Jean-Luc, Captain USS Enterprise, to Starfleet Command. Dear Sirs: I regret to inform you that I find exploring the universe is less of a challenge than exploring my lover's gorgeous body.*
*From Starfleet Command to Picard, Captain, USS Enterprise. Dear Jean-Luc: We've seen him and we can't blame you.* -- found in torch's .sig file, probably came from a story by Varoneeka

Everywhere I've been in Manhattan the streets are called Walk and Don't Walk. -- Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett

"The Truckers trilogy has a fair amount of changes of a 'pavement = sidewalk' nature which is understandable in a book which should be accessible to kids. They also excised the word 'damn' so's not to get banned in Alabama, which is a shame because I've always wanted to be banned in Alabama, ever since I first heard of the place." -- Terry Pratchett

"People might read into it a double meaning - but I couldn't think what the other one was." -- Peter Wingfield (about the double quickening in Rev. 6:8)

"You're so dead I don't know why you bothered being born." -- The Darkness, Image Comics

In fact, I want the next movie to be entitled "STAR WARS -- Episode II: Not-Dead Rebel Jedi Boinks Braid Boy For Two Damn Hours Straight" I mean, sure they might have to widen the posters a bit, and the Pizza Hut merchandising people might get a little nervous, but I think it'll be a hit. -- someone on M_A

If one puts one's friend's hamster (which one is rodent-sitting) up next to the wire cage of one's gerbils, one's gerbils will get very upset and are likely to bite one's smallest finger straight through, with the unfortunate outcome that one ends up standing by the cage, shaking one's hand (gerbil attached) until one works up enough centrifugal force to toss the gerbil loose.

Do not meddle in the affairs of slashers, for you are cute and look good with other men.

Obi-Wan: "I'm sorry Anakin. You're too tall. I shan't fuck you."
Anakin: "NOOOOOOO! You bastard... I'll turn to the Dark Side for that..." --- Pumpkin, on M_A

Sith Ewoks kick ankle!!!

Bene Gesserit: the *ORIGINAL* Spice Girls

I, for instance, would be far more angered if someone wrote a fiction about me enjoying the music of Andrew Lloyd-Webber, than I would if said fiction had me pleasuring all the tenors in a male voice choir.

Be creative when describing anatomical body parts. If you're really good, people won't even know they're reading a sex scene.

I read _The Bridges Of Madison County_ in its entirety in a hospital waiting room while my friend was giving birth, and I don't know who was in more pain.

God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the Courage to change the things I can, and the Wisdom to hide the bodies of those people I had to kill because they pissed me off.

Don't these subtleties of ideological conflict just make you want to KILL people sometimes?

"Sorry, but... moroser? Shouldn't that be 'more morose'?"
"Declination: Ose. More ose. Totally depressing. Beckett."

I don't want children. It's very simple. I don't want something to grow in my body, painfully rip its way out, and then demand to be the center of my life for at least 20 years. I just don't find the concept appealing

I just want you to stop spreading your filth and lies to the internet, remember it belongs to everyone.

When I get old, I don't want people to say how sweet I am. I want them to say, "Look out, she may be armed."

"I have abandonment issues which I will now share with you in intimate detail by warping the younger, cuter character in your favorite into a twisted, infantalized, unrecognizable lump of despair and helplessness. Oh, and there's crying." -- someone on FCA-L, re: warnings we'd like to see on stories

Gawd, I certainly *hope* I'm male -- if I'm not, I've got one messed up body and endocrine system! :) (And one hell of a clitoris...) ;)

Y2K Jelly - so you can get four digits in your date

...we're dealing with a world where Yahoo not only has a masturbation category, but a category devoted specifically to *Australian* masturbation.

"cocksucking is pretty much a free form art. There is no list of required moves (like in figure skating), and no points are deducted for creativity" -- Minotaur's "Sex Tips For Slash Writers" page

Ben: You cannot win Darth. If you strike me down, I'll become more powerful than you can possibly imagine.
Vader: Oooooo, I'm scared. You'll glow and lie a lot. Watch me tremble.

Some people demand a Very Close Extrapolation From What We See In Canon, others are more willing to let things slide (and thus we end up with Baby!Blair and an Obi-Wan who doesn't quite seem to know what to do with his lightsaber, ooo, it makes pretty colors, doesn't it Master?) - someone on FCA-L, quite possibly torch

Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this

There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast

In a cat's eye, all things belong to cats

Why Leia noticed Luke was "a little short for a stormtrooper: " Maybe she noticed because he didn't smack his head on the door as he entered?

My God Is Always Horny

"I don't want the terror of seeing my own ass on screen. What if I like it -- a LOT?" -- Callum Keith Rennie

There are many intelligent species in the universe. They are all owned by cats

I caught a falling star. It cut my hands to pieces.

The train will be late due to police activity. Today's police activity is: arts and crafts!

"Devoted Christian that I am, I have to admit to, more often than not, asking myself 'What would Delenn do?' Unfortunately I have neither the force of personality nor the advanced starships to carry out most of what I come up with. Failing that, I then ask myself 'What would Carol Hathaway do?' And although I have neither the opportunity nor the inclination to sleep with George Clooney, I more often than not get a workable solution."

Evelyn, a dog, having undergone further modification, pondered the significance of short-person behavior in pedal-depressed panchromatic resonance and other highly ambient domains. "Arf," she said.

Once again... or rather, for the first time... Ray goes through a window for Fraser. (And miraculously manages to avoid bleeding to death. But that's another story.)

I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather. Not screaming in terror like his passengers.

From the moment I picked your book up until I put it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.

That's what newsgroups are for - very shy extroverts.

You probably think that we are sad and weird. But I don't care. I am a happy nerd in cyberspace, where nobody can see my haircut.

...I don't have to know an answer...I don't feel frightened by not knowing things, by being lost in a mysterious universe without having any purpose. Which is the way it really is, as far as I can tell. Possibly. It doesn't frighten me.

If you can't answer a man's argument, all is not lost; you can still call him vile names.

If you haven't all the things you want, be grateful for the things you don't have that you wouldn't want.

Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while.

The glass is neither half empty nor half full. It is twice as large as it needs to be.

Happiness is not having what you want. It's wanting what you have.

When 25 percent of the population believe that the president should be impeached and 51 percent believe in UFO's, you may or may not need a new president, but you definitely need a new population.

Neither a story nor a fetus is improved by showing it to the world before it's done.

This is the worst case of foreplay I've ever had.

Is this fun?
Let me know.
I've had fun. I think I'll recognize it.

Well, there's knees apart, and then there's knees *apart*. Obi-Wan's sitting posture and stance seem to have a strong element of "*this* young monster needs *room*!" -- though to be fair, it probably does.

I'm one of those sensitive men of the 90s.
*You're* the one!

In Canada they have to say, "You have the right to remain silent, eh?"

I have this theory about guilt. If they're going to accuse you of it, you might as well do it.

Eternal puberty on The Highlander. I think we see a lot of that at the cons, too.

The Republic's "Ambassadors" are two fanatical, heavily-armed religious nuts with elite commando training and the ability to invade your mind and manipulate your thoughts. They say they are here to negotiate. -- Why the Trade Federation was right

"I am the end of thyme!" Kronos proclaimed, ferocioulsy taking the weed-whacker to MacLeod's herb garden

User has gone mad. Phone works fine. -- Seen in a helpdesk case note

Having control over myself is nearly as good as having control over others.

In my spare time I have been attempting to construct an Eskimo sentence in my basement, such as will be suitable for the season. I have not got it perfected yet, but it is coming along pretty well, and with a coat of paint or two it might pass for the genuine article. So far I have: kaniktshaq moritlkatsio atsuniartoq. When completed, this sentence will proclaim: ``Look at all this f-ing snow.'' At present it means: ``Observe the snow. It fornicates.''

Not only does the English Language borrow words from other languages, it sometimes chases them down dark alleys, hits them over the head, and goes through their pockets.

A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit. -- In the August 1993 issue, page 9, of PS magazine, the Army's magazine of preventive maintenance

All parts should go together without forcing. You must remember that the parts you are reassembling were disassembled by you. Therefore, if you can't get them together again, there must be a reason. By all means, do not use a hammer. -- IBM maintenance manual, 1925

Actung! Alles Lookenspeepers! Das Internet is nicht fuer gefingerclicken und giffengrabben. Ist easy droppenpacket der routers und overloaden der backbone mit der spammen unt der me-tooen. Ist nicht fuer gewerken bei das dumpkopfen. Das mausklicken sichtseeren keepen das bandwit-spewin hans in das pockets muss; relaxen und watchen das cursorblinken.

All of me is beautiful and valuable, even the ugly, stupid, and disgusting parts.

I will find humor in my everyday life by looking for people I can laugh at.

'Who needs them alive when they are so incredibly good together with one of them dead?!' -- Brenda Antrim about Mulder, Krycek and necrophilia stories

Showering with gifts is far from being a dominant ritual in fanfiction (showering with each other is much more common) -- from a Virg and Fort rant

As I said in Ansible 152 about another piece of technology, "I may be as disappointed in this as I was in the error-correcting modem, the magnetic stud finder, the universal remote control, and the Radio Shack male-to-female, female-to-male conversion kit."

"It is ridiculous to believe that videogames affect children. If, for example, Pac-Man affected children in the eighties, we should have a lot of children today that run around in dark rooms, taking pills while listening to monotone music."

Also, Methos is a character and he is nothing like Peter Wingfield. Okay, they're both presumably male, but none of us have seen Methos' bits and pieces, so it's just a theory. If you've seen Peter Wingfield's, I don't want to know about it. -- from a rant by AnneZo

People rarely need to have their preferences in fruit validated by others. -- torch

One thing I've learned since discovering the net all those years ago is that there's a kink for everyone, and someone for every kink.

There are these two guys, and one of them is Big and Strong and Repressed, and the other one is Sweet and Liberal and Cries. A Lot. Yay, fandom!

Shinobu is unlike Touga in that the sign on his forehead says, "don't even think about it," instead of "take me now". -- !SuperCat

I'm not a big fan of Dress Up Obi or Kinky Obi, I like my men looking like men, not like Carmen Miranda on a bad banana day. -- DBKate

Bipedalism, increased cranial capacity, opposable thumbs, and we still fuck first and ask questions later. The first tools we made were probably sex toys.

"I saw Daddy kissing Santa Claus..."

1) Krycek breaks into Mulder's apartment. A lot of swearing happens. They fuck/make love/get raped.
2) Being around Duncan and all of the immortals he attracts is getting to Methos. He decides to leave. Duncan goes after him, they talk/fight and eventually fuck/make love/get raped.
3) Blair/Jim starts seriously dating a man or woman and Blair/Jim confesses their undying love for the other. They fuck/make love/sometimes get raped.

"Of course Garak is attracted to Bashir! Let's be frank here. Garak's sex life is up for grabs." -- Andy "Garak" Robinson

Currently struggling with a vision of Wedge with whiney farmboy[TM] in his arms, crying (urgently) "Stay on target! Stay on target!" "Negative! Negative! it didn't go in! It just impacted on the surface." Luke bursts into tears, while Wedge tries to reassure him that it happens to every guy once in a while, and they can try again in a few minutes. -- Ann, M_A

Ed lives for obscene dedications - this is the guy who gave me a banana and then signed it "Eat me! Ed Wasser."

"There...ohhh....master, please." Instead of striking his apprentice again, Yoda banged is gimmer stick on the floor. "Qui Gon, hit you where I want I will. Not where you ask. Beg, Jedi do not." -- 'chelle, M_A

Chocolate sauce is not a safe lubricant.
Powdered sugar is not a lubricant at all.
Never pour honey on a hairy man.
Never fool around in a rolling chair.
Never go parking in a car on a hill.
And remember, it's rude not to swallow.

"My personal "huh what? ew!" is Q/Yoda. Don't get that at all. The physical aspaects of it are just... no thanks, not my cup of tea."
"Given Liam's... attributes.... it seems a bit like shagging a hamster to me!"

Patron: "I am looking for a globe of the earth."
Librarian: "We have a table-top model over here."
Patron: "No, that's not good enough. Don't you have a life-size?"
Librarian: (pause) "Yes, but it's in use right now."

"Get a life!"
"Why? I already have one that's unused."

"Yes sir, ma'am!" Barashkukor slammed a salute. "Please, ma'am, permission to designate this squad Black Squad?"
"No!" She rattled a sheaf of papers under Barashkukor's pointed nose. "We already have fifteen Black Squads, twelve Dark Squads, four Raven Squads, three Midnight Squads, one Sable Squad, one Ebony Squad, and," she consulted a sheet of paper, "one Pink Squad. Hmm. Yes. Well...we're all a little worried about Pink Squad..."

"Sir! Sir, what about the wounded who can't walk?"
"We've got a long march in front of us. They're history."
A strained expression made its appearance on the small orc's features. Captain Barashkukor protested, "Sir, we don't leave our own, sir!"
General Ashnak considered this new concept. After a few moments he nodded. "You're right, Captain. Of course you're right. See to it. They're not history - they're field rations."

But then again, I was musing on how the story of Christ would be diffrenet if it was designed and written by H.R.Geiger... "What is it? Birthing pains, Mary?" "I'm not su..EEEEIIIAAAGGHHHHH!!!!" as a baby Jesus burst out of her stomach and eats the three wise men.

Do you get pleasure out of receiving pain? - It's called masochism
Do you get pleasure out of hurting people? - It's called sadism
Do you enjoy tieing up masochists and then refusing to hurt them? - It's called cruel

He's not evil - he's a survivalist. A survivalist who sometimes likes to kiss other guys. -- Nick Lea about Krycek

'Mulder or Spike? Mulder, with *only* his video collection?' -- James Marsters, on who he'd rather play

'Giles and Ethan ... speaking of affairs' -- Anthony Steward Head

'Not on set, we'd all be pissed!' -- Anthony Steward Head (on the Buffy drinking game, specifically taking a drink ever time you see SMG's bra)

Since O.J., I've just assumed that any celeb spouse who dies was killed by the celeb. I saw Shatner weeping on TV and thought, "Maybe he's just a good actor." Then I thought a little more and decided he was probably innocent.

Anyway, here's hoping one of the upcoming early episodes features a fight scene between 6'8" Anakin Skywalker and 3'3" Yoda, wielding his mighty 'knobby stick'.
"Cut you off at the knees I will, Darth Vader!" *whak!* *whak!*

"Ouch! Can you say 'friction burn'?" -- Minotaur, at a convention, asked about gay sex without lube

PRESCHOOLER: Mommy is a doctor. She works at the hospital
TEACHER: That's nice, dear. What does your daddy do?
PRESCHOOLER: Daddy has a penis.