There are three kinds of death in this world. There's heart death, there's brain death, and there's being off the network. -- Guy Almes

"I do not agree with a word you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it." -- Voltaire

On the whole sex is less confusing than love, lust is less confusing than sex, and chocolate is less confusing than any of them... Chocolate is by far the safest bet in every respect, but sex is by far the most interesting. -- Jacky Fleming

I believe I found the missing link between animal and civilized man. It's us. -- Konrad Lorenz

What do we think of sex on television? Frankly, I think it's a pain. For one thing, the cable box gets wedged into your back and gets real uncomfortable.... -- Peter David

There is a vast difference between living according to one's idea of what it is to be good, and actually being that way. -- C. Terry Warner

Liposuction. . . they can suck the fat out of one part of your body and put it in another part. I think that's wrong. I want them to suck the fat out of my body, and put it in Cindy Crawford's. -- Rita Rudner

Christians are generally creepy people as a direct result of the dysfunctional dynamic of worshipping a dead naked hippie. -- Jim Marcus

There's nothing wrong with going to bed with somebody of your own sex... People should be very free with sex - they should draw the line at goats. -- Elton John

Time flies like an arrow; Fruit flies like a banana. -- G. Marx

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend: and inside a dog, it's too dark to read. -- Groucho Marx

Personally I have always felt soixante-neuf (69) to be madly confusing, like trying to pat your head and rub your stomach at the same time. -- Helen Lawrenson

Vision without action is a daydream. Action without vision is a nightmare. -- Japanese Proverb

Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings. -- Ed Gardner

Man is the only animal that can remain on friendly terms with the victims he intends to eat until he eats them. -- Samuel Butler

A hard man is good to find. -- Mae West

Good sex is like good Bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand. -- Mae West

The great thing is, if one can, to stop regarding all the unpleasant things as interruptions in one's "own" or "real" life. The truth is, of course, that what one regards as interruptions are precisely one's life. -- C. S. Lewis

I don't drink water. Fish fuck in it. -- W. C. Fields

I love children - parboiled. -- W. C. Fields

God and Country are an unbeatable team; they break all records for oppression and bloodshed. -- Luis Buquel

The content of your mind - your values and ideas - are nobody's business but your own. -- Kerry O'Quinn

A fanatic is someone who can't change his mind and won't change the subject. - Winston Churchill

To live a single day and hear a good teaching is better than to live a hundred years without knowing such teaching. -- Buddha

Smoking kills, and if you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life. -- anti-smoking spokesperson Brooke Shields

China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese -- former French president Charles De Gaulle

Give me chastity and continence, but not yet -- Saint Augustine

To action alone have you a right, and never at all to its fruits. Let not the fruits of action be your motive; Neither let there be in you any attachment to inaction -- Bhagvadgita

The covers of this book are too far apart -- Ambrose Bierce

Egoist: a person more interested in himself than in me -- Ambrose Bierce

If there is anyone here whom I have not insulted, I beg his pardon. -- Johannes Brahms

If the world were a logical place, men would ride sidesaddle -- Rita Mae Brown

Everything you can imagine is real. -- Pablo Picasso

You shouldn't say it is not good. You should say, you do not like it; and then, you know, you're perfectly safe. -- James Whistler (about art)

Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life, but define yourself. -- Harvey Fierstien

And you, madam, are ugly. But I shall be sober in the morning -- Churchill (to woman who told him he was drunk)

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known -- Walt Disney (says a lot about him, no? )

Quis custodiet ipsos custodes? -- Juvenalis

Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child. -- former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle on Republican family values

Maybe this world is another planet's hell. -- Aldous Huxley

The limits of my language are the limits of my world. -- Ludwig Wittgenstein

There's always one moment in childhood when the door opens and lets the future in. -- Graham Greene in 'The power and the Glory'

Life has taught us that love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking outward together in the same direction. -- Antoine de Saint-Exupery

"A verb has a hard time enough of it in this world when it's all together. It's downright inhuman to split it up. But that's what those Germans do. They take part of a verb and put it down here, like a stake, and they take the other part of it and put it away over yonder like another stake, and between these two limits they just shovel in German." -- Mark Twain

Imagination is more important than knowledge. -- Albert Einstein

The supreme happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved. -- Victor Hugo

Who controls the past controls the future. Who controls the present controls the past. - George Orwell

I think it would be a good idea. -- Mahatma Ghandi, regarding Western Civilization

When the missionaries came to Africa they had the Bible and we had the land. They said "Let us pray." We closed our eyes. When we opened them we had the Bible and they had the land. -- Bishop Desmond Tutu

Am I not destroying my enemies when I make friends of them? -- Abraham Lincoln

To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

The clinching proof of my reasoning is that I will cut anyone who argues further into dogmeat. -- Sir Geoffery de Tourneville

I will permit no man to narrow and degrade my soul by making me hate him. -- Booker T. Washington

to be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best night and day to make you like everybody else means to fight the hardest battle any human being can fight and never stop fighting. -- e.e cummings

"I am sitting in the smallest room of my house. Your critique is in front of me. Shortly it will be behind me." -- George Bernhard Shaw to one of his critics

and as we wind on down the road our shadows taller than our soul -- Led Zeppelin

"I don't want to start
Any blasphemous rumours
But I think that God's
Got a sick sense of humor
And when I die
I expect to find
Him laughing" -- Depeche Mode

if you choose not to decide you still have made a choice -- rush

"You're so dead I don't know why you bothered being born." -- The Darkness, Image Comics

"The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they're going to be when you kill them." -- William Clayton

"One cat just leads to another." -- Ernest Hemingway

If God doesn't destroy Hollywood Boulevard, he owes Sodom and Gomorrah an apology. -- Jay Leno

A lady came up to me on the street and pointed at my suede jacket. "You know a cow was murdered for that jacket?" she sneered. I replied in a psychotic tone, "I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too." -- Jake Johansen

I don't need to be born again. I got it right the first time. -- Dennis Miller

The sublime and the ridiculous are often so nearly related, that it is difficult to class them separately. One step above the sublime makes the ridiculous, and one step above the ridiculous makes the sublime again. -- Thomas Paine

To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Only to the white man was nature a "wilderness" and only to him was the land "infested" with "wild" animals and "savage" people. To us it was tame. -- Luther Standing Bear, Chief of the Oglala Sioux

"A silly idea is current that good people do not know what temptation means. This is an obvious lie. Only those who try to resist temptation know how strong it is. . . A man who gives in to temptation after five minutes simply does not know what it would have been like an hour later. That is why bad people, in one sense, know very little about badness. They have lived a sheltered life by always giving in." -- C.S. Lewis

...most SF writers are small blokes; they spent a lot of time grubbing around on the floor for old SF mags, not stretching up to the top shelf for pornography...As an aside, Douglas Adams is quite tall -- Terry Pratchett

"People would want to touch it. I wouldn't let them. I got very possessive of it." -- Ewan McGregor, about his lightsaber

Liam Neeson: I sense a disturbance in the force.
Ewan McGregor: Well, shit.

"I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada." -- Britney Spears, when asked about the best part of being famous

"Outside of the killings, [Washington] has one of the lowest crime rates in the country." -- Marion Barry, Mayor of Washington, D.C.

"We have a firm commitment to NATO. We are a part of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe. We are a part of Europe." -- Dan Quayle

"The U.S. has a vital interest in that area of the country." -- Dan Quayle, referring to Latin America.

"Pope John Paul today confirmed his opposition to gay marriages. Said that they are unnatiral. Gay marriages are unnatural. Then he put on a pointy hat, his dress, and returned to never having sex at all." -- Bill Maher, Politically Incorrect