//We've been avoiding this for so long
Luxury is temporary then it's gone
I thought we would happen
I guess I'm wrong//

The day that Heero finally walked out on us, I never thought I'd be able to think of him the same way before all of this happened. I blame myself and wonder what I did to make him go. Did I take his stability and his closeness for granted? I didn't think anything was wrong between us but I guess there was, when I found out the hard way. I suppose it doesn't help when you have two people together who rarely talk about feelings and such. If only we could've had some time to actually talk about _us_, maybe we or should I say, _I_, wouldn't be in the predicament that we are in now. *If only, if only* are the words that keep running through my head but its already happened and I can't turn back time to make all the wrong things right.

//We'll say Hi on the street then we'll move along
I know this will be awkward but not for long
Cause soon you'll have a new boy to sing you songs//

I had a knack of reading Heero just by watching his body language or the way his eyes would flash with different emotions. But the day he received that message, I knew something was up. His eyes were confused and cloudy, his body seemed as tense as a bowstring. All he said was that he needed to take a walk and get some fresh air. Yes, the cause of the problem has been mentioned a few times before but I didn't think that it would have come down to this final decision. I kept berating myself that if this is what Heero wanted and he was happy with it, then I would freely let him go. But could I _really_ let him go that easily? I didn't realize how much time went by when he came back into the apartment.

"Hi." Heero tried not to sound like he was regretting his choice but it showed. He still doesn't know how well I can read him. If he did, then he would've been able to pick on the feelings that was radiating off of me.

"Hi, yourself." I willed myself not to make my eyes seem desperate as well as my reply. If I did, he didn't notice or even if he did, I couldn't tell, and that was a first for me, on not being able to pick up on Heero's aura. Damn, I think I've been hanging around Quatre for too long. The room was way to quite. Someone had to speak so I guess I should break the monotony since it was bugging me.

"Well?"

Heero just shrugged his shoulders and slowly made his way to the bathroom. I decided that this was enough for one night and went to bed. I heard him come out of the bathroom and felt him settle down next to me. I could tell he was on his back, staring up at the ceiling even though my back was turned towards him. He didn't have to say it to me, I already knew that he made up his mind and I wasn't a part of it. That's when I woke up the next morning and saw that he was really gone, gone for good.

//I will not forgive you
Nor will I accept the blame
I will see you on Good Friday
On Good Friday//

Three months have passed since the last time I saw Heero at the charity ball. After our little confrontation, I knew I struck a chord somewhere in that confused body of his. Even though I didn't turn around when I walked away from him, I could still feel his eyes bore into my back. It felt like a small plea, as for me to turn around and face him again, in which, I did not. Once in awhile I would get a few messages from him saying that he would still like to discuss what's happened but I don't know what it is I want to do. A part of me does not want to forgive him and I know that the blame wasn't all on me either. After having some free time on my hands, I did a lot of thinking and realized that it wasn't my fault. I tried to open up to him as much as I could but I couldn't get much out from him in return. I just hope that he can feel more for Duo than what he did for me. I glanced at my calendar and decided to pick a day for us to finally talk about things. I replied to his latest message and told him to meet me on Good Friday. Why that day, I really don't know but it just stuck to me. Maybe cause of it still being early spring and that’s when things should start anew with life while leaving the dead of winter behind and the dreariness that I carry within me. Consider it as cleansing the soul.

//I'm sorry I couldn't do this yesterday
Tomorrow I am busy and what it is I can't say
And Saturday is no good I got a show
So it has to be on Good Friday
Then it's so long//

When I first got Heero's messages, a flood of emotions and feelings came back but I just pushed them back down where they came from. I wanted to ignore it, forget what has happened but it wasn't that easy. He would pick some dates and times for us to get together but I would just reply saying that I couldn't do it on the times he suggested. I kept telling myself that I was just making excuses but the more I thought about it, they really weren't excuses. It was too soon to talk about things and I thought that a good year between us would help clear our minds and to get our emotions under control… at least for me anyway.

 

---

 

Duo could tell that something was up with Heero when he saw him hang his head in his hands and didn't move an inch from his terminal. What that something was, he could only think of one thing that could bug Heero so much. He understood what happened and wished that it didn't have to come down to the situation they were in. He knew that he was partial to the blame for making Heero choose what he really wanted. Just what or who did Heero _really_ want?

He caught Heero off guard when he placed a hand on his shoulder. "Any luck?"

"No. At least not on the days that I offered."

"Well, does he at least accept your offer for wanting to talk?"

"Yeah, he picked Good Friday to meet."

Duo went through the days in his head and whistled. "That's nearly a year away. Do you think you can hold off that long?" Heero stared off into space didn't say anything for a while.

"Look man, I truly understand what needs to be done and till that day comes, I think you should take some time out for yourself and gather up those mixed emotions of yours before you finally meet. You don't want to end up saying something or doing something worse than what it already is. Heh, rumor has it that you said that you should act on your emotions so why don’t you take your own advice?” Duo stretched out his arms and walked out of the room to let Heero think what he should do.

//You, You come and go when you please
I know unfulfilled needs
I know you do too//

Cathy seems at least a bit cheerful since I finally started to open up more and let the darkness out of my system. I left my trailer and went for a walk to clear my head again. No matter how hard I try or to will it away, he still haunts me when I least expect it. Maybe I was the fool, so blinded by love or in our case lust that I thought we really had something going on. He never did like to stay in one place too long and I was always here for him when he needed someone to fall back to. I thought that it was love that he felt for me, hell, I know I did for him and I fell hard. I should’ve known that he didn’t feel the same way when I tried to express those words to him. Too much was left unsaid and left a huge gap in between. I just wished that he could’ve understood how I really felt about him. Since he’s gone out my life, I should persue something that I never tried before. I know something is out there waiting for me to give it a go. Life is funny that way but like they say, all time heals wounds, eventually. If this goes right, I at least hope that later on in the future when this is all behind us that we can still be friends.

//But I, you know I never see things through,
Never paid attention to you
But honey I tried//

Heero let Duo’s words sink into his brain and tried to comprehend what it is that he needs to say or do. And exactly what this pain was that he would feel whenever he thought about the way he left Trowa. “I loved him didn’t I or maybe it’s that I still do love him? Damn! Why must this stuff be so complicated and why did I let myself get too close to Trowa to begin with if I knew that I had deep feelings for Duo? I guess I’m paying the price for not giving Trowa the chance to express his true self to me. I’m the fool in this game and it’s only my self to blame why things turned out so bad. I guess a year doesn’t seem so far away to see each other and hopefully then, I will be able to come to terms with my feelings and myself. The last thing I _don’t_ need is not to have Trowa in my life even if it’s just to be friends. We’ve all been through too much to let something like this tear the group apart.” Just thinking those thoughts, he smiled sadly to himself. “I’ll be waiting till Good Friday Trowa, just don’t you forget that.”