If I scroll down this page and make a wish, every Playboy
   Bunny in the magazine'll visit me! What a bunch of B.S.!
   So, basically, this message is a big ***** to all the people
   out there who have nothing better to do than to send me
   stupid chain mail forwards. Maybe the evil chain letter
   leprechauns will come into my apartment and terrorize me in
   my sleep for not continuing the chain which was started by
   Jesus in 5 A.D. and was brought to this country by midget
   pilgrims on the Mayflower and if it makes it to the year
   2000, it'll be in the Guinness Book of World Records for
   longest continuous streak of blatant stupidity.  If you're
   going to forward something, at least send me something
   mildly amusing.

   I've seen all the "send this to 50 of your closest friends,
   and this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow
   receive a Nickel from some "omniscient being" forwards about
   90 times. I don't give a damn! Show a little intelligence and
   think about what you're actually contributing to by sending
   out forwards. Chances are it's your own unpopularity.
 

   THE FOUR BASIC TYPES OF CHAIN LETTERS:

   Chain Letter Type 1:
   (scroll down)
   Make a wish!!!
   Keep Scrolling
 

   No, really, go on and make one!!!
   Oh please, they'll never go out with you!!!
   Wish something else!!!

   Not that, you pervert!!
   STOP!!!!
   Wasn't that fun? :)
   Hope you made a great wish :)

   Now, to make you feel guilty, here's what I'll do. First of
   all, if you don't send this to 5096 people in the next 5
   seconds, you will be assaulted by a mad goat and thrown off
   a high building into a pile of manure. It's true! Because,
   THIS letter isn't like those fake ones, THIS one is TRUE!!
   Really!!! Here's how it goes:

   *Send this to 1 person: One person will be pissed off at you
   for sending them a stupid chain letter.

   *Send this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people will be pissed off at you for
   sending them a stupid chain letter.

   *Send this to 5-10 people: 5-10 people will be pissed off at
   you for sending them a stupid chain letter, and may form a
   plot on your life.

   *Send this to 10-20 people: 10-20 people will be pissed off at you
   for sending them a stupid chain letter and will napalm your house.
   Thanks!!!! Good Luck!!!

   Chain Letter Type 2
   Hello, and thank you for reading this letter. You see, there
   is a starving little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who has no
   arms, no legs, no parents, and no goats. This little boy's life
   could be saved, because for every time you pass this on, a dollar
   will be donated to the Little Starving Legless Armless Goatless Boy
   from Baklaliviatatlaglooshen Fund. Oh, and remember, we have
   absolutely no way of counting the emails sent and this is all a
   complete load of B.S. So go on, reach out. Send this to 5 people in
   the next 47 seconds. Oh, and a reminder - if you accidentally send
   this to 4 or 6 people, you will die instantly. Thanks again!!

   Chain Letter Type 3
   Hi there!! This chain letter has been in existence since 1897. This
   is absolutely incredible because there was no email then and
   probably not as many sad jerks with nothing better to do. So this
   is how it works... Pass this on to 15,067 people in the next 7
   minutes or something horrible will happen to you like:

   *Bizarre Horror Story #1
   Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school on Saturday. She
   had recently received this letter and ignored it. She then
   tripped in a crack in the sidewalk, fell into the sewer, was
   gushed down a drainpipe in a flood of poopie, and went flying
   out over a waterfall. Not only did she smell nasty, she died.

   This Could Happen To You!!!

   *Bizarre Horror Story #2
   Dexter Bip, a 13 year old boy, got a chain letter in his mail
   and ignored it. Later that day, he was hit by a car and so was his
   boyfriend (hey, some people swing that way). They both died and
   went to hell and were cursed to eat adorable kittens every day for
   eternity.

   This Could Happen To You Too!!!

   Remember, you could end up just like Pinsley and Bip. Just
   send this letter to all of your loser friends, and everything
   will be okay.

   Chain Letter Type 4
   As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote. Send it to all
   your friends.

   FRIENDS:
   A friend is someone who is always at your side.
   A friend is someone who likes you even though you stink of
     poop, and your breath smells like you've been eating
     catfood.
   A friend is someone who likes you even though you're as ugly
     as a hat full of road apples.
   A friend is someone who cleans up for you after you've soiled
     yourself.
   A friend is someone who stays with you all night while you cry
     about your sad, sad life.
   A friend is someone who pretends they like you when they
     really think you should be mugged by mad goats, then thrown
     to vicious dogs.
   A friend is someone who scrubs your toilet, vacuums and then
     gets the check and leaves and doesn't speak much  English... no,
     sorry that's the cleaning lady.
   A friend is not someone who sends you chain letters because he
     wants his wish of being rich to come true.
   Now pass this on! If you don't, you'll never have sex ever
     again!

   The point being?
   If you get some chain letter that's threatening to leave you
   shagless or luckless for the rest of your life, delete it. If
   it's funny, send it on. Don't piss people off by making them
   feel guilty about a leper in Botswana with no teeth, who's
   been tied to a dead elephant for 27 years, whose only saviour
   is the 5 cents per letter he'll receive if you forward this
   mail, otherwise you'll end up like Miranda. Right?

   Now forward this to everyone that you know otherwise you'll
   find all your knickers missing tomorrow morning.