101 Reasons Why Fingers Are Better
Auden and me started the following list, back in '96. Looking back, it's rather silly, but I'm keeping it for nostalgic reasons.
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You don't have to smile
at them afterwards
You don't have to get
out of bed to fetch them
They don't get tired
before you do...
You always know where
your fingers have been
For variety, you have
ten to choose from
They are also useful
*out* of bed
You can stop if you want
to
Your fingers don't want
to meet your family
Your fingers don't get
jealous
Your fingers don't smell
Your fingers won't just
fall asleep afterwards
Your fingers don't want
you to meet *their* family
You don't get jealous
of your fingers
Your fingers don't mind
if you fall asleep afterwards
Your fingers won't let
you down (Snowwhite)
Your fingers don't want
to watch a football match instead
Your mother won't critisize
your fingers
You can't get pregnant
from your fingers
Your fingers don't need
batteries
People aren't surprised
to find you have them
Fingers don't need adaptors
to covert American plugs to English ones (I've heard this can be a problem.)
They don't shrink afterwards
(Snowwhite)
You always have them
with you
You can chew on them
when you are nervous (Snowwhite)
You can use more than
1 at a time
They are agile
They'll never leave you
(Snowwhite)
You don't have to make
your fingers coffee in the morning (Gideon)
You can also use them
to clean the wax out of your ears (Gideon)
They want to when you
want to
They don't take up half
the bed at night
They are easy to clean
If the ones you are using
get tired, you can switch to some of the others
They don't demand acrobatics
in bed
They don't want to try
out stuff they heard from friends
You can use them to try
out stuff *you* heard from friends without worrying about it going horribly
wrong
They don't look worried
when *you* want acrobatics in bed
Your fingers don't give
you bite-marks (Addition: unless you *like* bite-marks)
You can share them with
a friend
Fingers don't cheat on
you
Fingers don't have hidden
wifes/girlfriends/husbands/boyfriends/children
Your fingers don't yelp
when you give them bite marks
For variety you can paint
them any colour you want?
It's not suspicious if
you take them to the toilet with you
Since they come on 2
hands, you can use them on 2 places at the same time
They write your e-mail
for you
You can use them for
netsex when company is required
They're compatible with
a wide range of leather goods and electrical appliances
No one ever fell in love
with their fingers
They'll change the video
channel for you
You can use them to write
down your fantasy and share it with people
They won't ask: Am I
the first?
You can type with them
(although I'd rather like to see a man... *whistle*)
They won't be disgusted
when you have your period
They don't snore, fart,
burp or have smelly breath
They don't want you to
swallow
They don't whistle after
other, better-looking women or men
They don't care if your
hair is a mess
You don't have to tell
them how you'd like it
They don't brag how great
they are
They don't cost you time,
money or patience
They don't want to know
where you were last eveing
Your friends don't criticise
them
Their friends don't criticise
you (fingers don't *have* friends)
Afterwards, they won't
ask: 'Did you come?' (Eva T.)
They don't leave you
to sleep in the wet spot (Eleni)
They don't mind if you
scream 'oh yes, *METHOS*!!'
They're useful for scooping
up nutella, chocolate, lube (take your pick) and smearing it in the
appropriate places... (Claire)
Fingers don't ask who
you are fantasizing about (Cher)
They don't have STDs
(Mona)
Fingers are more sensitive
to what you are feeling (LP)
Unlike zucchinis, you
don't have to bring them to room temperature (tyree)
You won't be crushed
underneath them in bed (Che & Wes)
They come in varing sizes
- thumb to pinkie, or any combination thereof, it's up to you (Che
& Wes)
There're extremely gentlemanly
- they'll open doors for you, pull your chair out, and even cook you
dinner! (Che & Wes)
They won't finish just
before you reach orgasm (Eva T.)
You don't have to worry
wether or not they wont come back after a goodnight (Jessy)
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