part 3
Subject: Re: Crowning....
From: korny@... (Kornelis Sietsma)
Newsgroups: rec.games.roguelike.misc
part 3
Subject: Re: Crowning....
From: korny@... (Kornelis Sietsma)
Newsgroups: rec.games.roguelike.misc
Scott Yost(the Avenger) wrote:
>On 17 Feb 1997 19:45:46 GMT, cweagle@... (The Joker) wrote:
>
>>Hi, I have a few questions on ADOM
>>
>>1. How important is crowning, and what are
the benifits. Also once you've
>> been crowned by one god, can you
change alignment and be crowned
>> by another?
>
>Changing alignments will result in being seriously smited by your
god.
>I've never survived or wanted to try it again after the first
time, so
>I'm not sure what happens after that.
Actually, I got one of my favourite messages from doing just that, when playing around. I got crowned, and among the benefits, was made immune to lightning etc. I then attacked a shopkeeper...
"MORTAL, YE DAREST TO SWITCH THEE ALIGNMENT AFTER *I* HAVE CROWNED YE TO BE MY CHAMPION?!? DIE FOR THIS SACRILEGE!"
A bolt of black energy hits you!
You seem to be immune to that bolt.
You hear a voice in your mind...
"*DAMN, YOU'LL PAY FOR THIS HUMILIATION, TOO*"
Subject: TAN: Just to be safe...
From: bunnythor@... (Bunnythor)
Newsgroups: rec.arts.sf.written.robert-jordan
On 7 Dec 1997 10:17:32 GMT, in rec.arts.sf.written.robert-jordan
bunnythor@... (Bunnythor) wrote:
I would now like to formally apologize
for everything that I have posted, am
posting or will post. Though sloppy and
thoughtless, my intention as I post is
never to injure feelings, bruise egos,
incite flaming, or raise unsightly welts
and rashes. If anyone has felt or will
feel anything less than euphoric after
having read one of my poorly
conceived and executed electronic
epistles[1], I grovel humbly in the muck
and meekly beg that your condemnation
of my very existence will not be utter.
Thank you all. I beg your forgiveness.
[1] I would like to add a special apology
to all of those attending public schools
in America who will have to look up the
word "epistle" in the dictionary.[2]
[2] A "dictionary" is a book with many
of the words in the English language in
it. If you do not have one, you can often
find one at your nearest public library[3],
usually with the page containing "fuchsia"
ripped out.
[3] The public library is that building where
many people sleep after they have gotten
themselves kicked out of the rescue mission.
It is also where cheap, rich people go to read
the bestsellers for free, though they also go
to complain about the long waiting list for these
books, and the 25 cents they have to pay for
each day they return the books late.[4]
[4] "Five dollars?" they cry, when they reach
the fines ceiling. "I could have *bought* the book
for that!!!"[5]
[5] And showing them the $27.95 price on the
inside dust jacket flap rarely inspires them to
admit their economic error. The suggestion that
they could work off their fines at minimum wage
also rarely meets with approval. [6]
[6] But if Oprah told them to pay all their library
fines without complaint, I'm sure the public library
could afford a few more branches. Maybe Oprah
could tell them all to go to the library and read in
the nude. That might improve library morale.[7]
[7] And since these footnotes have undoubtably
offended somebody, I'd like to apologize for my
unflattering use of accurate characterization.
Subject: Re: Penis size is extremely important
to me!
From: tellner@... (Todd D. Ellner)
Newsgroups: soc.sexuality.general
Martha Jones <martha@...> wrote:
>Penis size is extremely important to me.
>If a man has a penis less than 7 inches long, I kick him
>out of my bedroom laughing. That penis size
>is unimportant to us women is a myth.
The Kama Sutra states that there are three basic sizes of men, the
rabbit, the bull, and the horse (according to the length of the
schlong) and three sizes of women, the deer, the mare, and the
elephant (according to her internal dimensions). The ideal situation
is when the deer and the hare, the bull and the mare, or the horse
and
the elephant get together. Everything fits best.
If you wish to have a lover you will have to go outside the box
since there is nothing corresponding to your particular equivalent,
the jackass.
Subject: Re: Outlook Express - Opinia Expercka
From: "Pawel L. Bogdziun" <pawelec.to_wytnij@...>
Newsgroups: pl.news.czytniki
Dawid Kuroczko <dk@...> wrote:
[...]
: Kto Outlooka nie szanuje, niech siê w nosa poca³uje.
;)
: Outlook naszym newsrederem jest, Outlook jest the best. ;)
: Outlook Express najlepszy jest. ;)
: Na razie tyle. ;)
A ja mam piosenkê, tylko bojê siê,
¿e Eric Idle spu¶ci na mnie du¿y odwa¿nik...
Przepraszam za okropny angielski, ale
zawsze mam taki przed - i po pó³nocy, niestety. ;-)
"Always have an Outlook on the Net"
Cheer up, Pszemol. You know what they say.
Some things in the Net are bad,
They can really make you mad.
Other things just make you swear and curse.
When you're posting an article,
Outlook strenghts your own testicles.
And this will help things turn out for the best...
And...
...Always have an Outlook on the Net!
[whistle]
Always have an Outlook on the Net!
[whistle]
If your message's jolly rotten,
There's something you've forgotten!
And that's to post via Outlook, nothing else!
When you feel like being killed
Change your nickname - that's the shield,
Just start to write, your words are like the pearls...
And...
...always have an Outlook on the Net!
(Come on!)
[whistle]
Always have an Outlook on the Net!
[whistle]
The PINE's quite absurd,
much, much better's MS Word.
You must always comply with the .doc format.
So forget about your tin - do not keep it, it's a sin!
Do install Outlook - other things are bad!
So always look on the dark side of the GNUS!
Use it once - and be no longer with us!
FA's a piece of shit,
When you're using it,
MS Outlook's great - that's the joke, not truth!
Come on, see how Outlook works,
Turning PC into corpse,
Then post your messages, they are really smooth...
And always... etc.
Pozdrawiam,
Pawe³
Subject: Re: solar eclipse of August 11th
From: paul@... (Paul Harper)
Newsgroups: uk.media.tv.sf.babylon5
alison@... (Alison) said :
>Have you considered Belgium?
Only as a justifyable exception to the nuclear test ban treaty...
Subject: Re: The word "idiot"
From: "Robert Bryan Lipton" <boblipton@...>
Newsgroups: alt.usage.english
Rhialto wrote in message <7achk3$nak$3@quince.news.easynet.net>...
>
>The Rock wrote in message <36C9B80C.E036722D@ata-sd.com>...
>>I need write a 1000 word essay about the word "idiot". The guidelines
>>are that I need focus on the word and my experieces. For example,
the
>>usage, definition and so on. I am running empty when it comes
to ideas.
>>Can anybody help?
An idiot is someone who is who is very very very very
very very very very
very very very very very very very very very
very very very very very
very very very very very very very very very
very very very very very
very very very very very very very very very very very
very very very
very very very very very very very very very
very very very very very
very very very very very very very very very very very
very very very
very very very very very very very very very
very very very very very
very very very very very very very very very
very very very very very
very very very very very very very very very
very very very very very
very very very very very very very very very
very very very very very
very very very very very very very very very
very very very very very
very very very very very very very very very very very
very very very
very very very very very very very very very
very very very very very
very very very very very very very very very very very
very very very
very very very very very very very very very
very very very very very
very very very very very very very very very
very very very very very
very very very very very who is very very very
very very very very very
very very very very very very very very very
very very very very very
very very very very very very very very very very
very very very very
very very very very very very very very very very very
very very very
very very very very very very very very very very
very very very very
very very very very very very very very very very very
very very very
very very very very very very very very very
very very very very very
very very very very very very very very very
very very very very very
very very very very very very very very very
very very very very very
very very very very very very very very very
very very very very very
very very very very very very very very very very
very very very very
very very very very very very very very very very very
very very very
very very very very very very very very very very
very very very very
very very very very very very very very very very very
very very very
very very very very very very very very very
very very very very very
very very very very very very very very very
very very very very very
very very very very very very very very very
very very very very very
very very very very very very very very very
very very very very very
very very very very very very very very very very
who is very very very
very very very very very very very very very
very very very very very
very very very very very very very very very very very
very very very
very very very very very very very very very
very very very very very
very very very very very very very very very
very very very very very
very very very very very very very very very
very very very very very
very very very very very very very very very
very very very very very
very very very very very very very very very
very very very very very
very very very very very very very very very very very
very very very
very very very very very very very very very
very very very very very
very very very very very very very very very very very
very very very
very very very very very very very very very
very very very very very
very very very very very very very very very
very very very very very
very very very very very very very very very
very very very very very
very very very very very very very very very
very very very very very
very very very very very very very very very
very very very very very
very very very very very very very very very very very
very very very
very very very very very very very very very
very very very very very
very very very very very very very very very very very
very very very
very who is very very very very very very very
very very very very very
very very very very very very very very very
very very very very very
very very very very very very very very very
very very very very very
very very very very very very very very very
very very very very very
very very very very very very very very very very
very very very very
very very very very very very very very very very very
very very very
very very very very very very very very very very
very very very very
very very very very very very very very very very very
very very very
very very very very very very very very very
very very very very very
very very very very very very very very very
very very very very very
very very very very very very very very very
very very very very very
very very very very very very very very very
very very very very very
very very very very very very very very very very
very very very very
very very very very very very very very very very very
very very very
very very very very very very very very very very
very very very very
very very very very very very very very very very very
very very very
very very very very very very very very very
very very very very very
very very very very very very very very very
very very very very very
very very very very very very stupid.
Hope this helps.
Subject: Re: women of color
From: rjtolle <rjtolle@...>
Newsgroups: alt.fan.cecil-adams
Beckett209 wrote:
> >rjtolle <rjtolle@...>
> wrote in:>Message-id: <36C3B718.F6424348@express-news.net>
> > the once green child later decided he wanted to be the same
> >color as his best friend and grabbed a black magic marker.
>
> I never did hear the full story of the green child... the ORIGINAL
green
> child....what was it? A paint accident?
>
Beckett
*********************Beware! Long Pointless Story! ******************
It wasn't an accident. It was an experiment gone bad.
When my son
David was about 5, I was busy doing homework so my husband said
he'd
watch the boys. We both sat at the kitchen table, I was doing
homework
and my husband doing bills. I saw my naked son walking past
us toward
the back door. Most of the front half of his body was painted
green. I
looked up at my husband who remained oblivious. David went
into the
backyard. My husband still didnt react. I didn't want
to have my
husband think I lacked faith in his child watching abilities but
I
couldn't keep quiet so I asked him what David was doing.
He said that
David was watching TV. I said "No, he's outside." Ron
said something
like "Good, that's better than watching TV." I said "No,
he's outside
and he's naked and he's green."
The phone rang and my back door neighbor asked if I knew what David
was
doing. I gave the phone to Ron and went out to get his son.
David explained that he wanted to see if he would be invisible if
he
painted himself green and laid down in the grass. My neighbor
told me
he was definitely not invisible. He might have been more
successful if
he had painted both sides green but she said she saw him from her
kitchen window the minute he stepped outside.
I'm not sure why but painting or dyeing children green seems to
be a
tradition in my family. I dyed my neice and nephew green
with Kool Aid
when I was around nine. Don't ask. Its another ridiculously
long and
pointless story.
Just remember. Bleach and water.
Subject: Re: Has man really been to Antarctica???!!!!
From: mol@... (Magnus Olsson)
Newsgroups: sci.space.history
In article <7b1ei6$lfa$3@pith.uoregon.edu>,
Christopher Michael Jones <cjones@...> wrote:
>Think about it, what kind of proof do we have that any
>Humans have actually been to Antarctica? Have you ever
>personally been to antarctica? Or North Korea for that
>matter? I thought not.
Think of it, what proof do we have that the so-called "Antarctica"
really exists? Faked satellite photos and obviously faked reports
from so-called "explorers". In fact, Antarctica and the Antarctic
ozone hole are part of a communist-environmentalist plot to ban
freon.
And North Korea? An obvious scam, perpetrated by Pentagon hawks
who need a new enemy now that there is no Soviet Union.
Subject: Re: Terrible Titles
From: donx@...
Newsgroups: rec.arts.sf.written
On 6 Mar 1999 18:33:12 GMT, James Battista <jim6lob@...> wrote:
>Phil Fraering <pgf@...> wrote:
>
>: What are some good variations on "Conan the 'X'"? Thus far I've
>: seen "Conan the Librarian" and "Conan the Libertarian."
>
>: Anyone want to add to this?
>
>: Conan the Vegitarian?
>
>Conan the Grammarian.
Canon the Dyslexic
Subject: Re: The Bitch (QDG) is Back
From: Barry O'Neill <londo@...>
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Matt Kerbel wrote:
>
> Jeffrey Kaplan (jkapllan@...) writes:
> > Mr. Garibaldi saw this article from Kimberly Chapman in Universe
Today
> > while his daughter played tennis with Dr. Franklin:
> >
> > ; In fact, I was at Microsoft's campus.
> >
> > <sound src="twighlight_zone_theme.mid">
> >
> > ; But fear not, dear brothers and sisters, I have returned
without any Borg
> > ; implants, brainwashing, or other mind/personality adjustments.
:)
> >
> > So far as you know... a successful brain dry-cleaning will
be
> > undetectable by the victim.
> >
> > Matt! Watch Kim closely for the next few weeks! If she
starts spouting
> > lots of pro-Microsoft propaganda, get her to an anti-cult
> > de-programmer, fast!
>
> I'll be sure to check her for MS implants very thoroughly every
day
> for... oh, *weeks*, at least.
Don't bother. Nothing from Redmond has ever run for weeks
without a
reboot. Do watch out for her face turning blue, however.
Subject: Re: Heinlein's _The Day After Tomorrow_?
From: kamikaze@... (Mark 'Kamikaze' Hughes)
Newsgroups: rec.arts.sf.written
Mon, 22 Mar 1999 12:12:31 -0600:
Phil Fraering <pgf@...> spake:
>Gareth Wilson <grw45@...> writes:
>>That's also true for New Zealand. We think of the US as a giant
"Jerry
>>Springer" set...
>>(kidding!)
>That's not true at all. You have to check your assault rifle in
before
>you're allowed on the Jerry Springer set.
Yes, exactly. You know, this morning I was cleaning
one of my many
assault weapons and the damn thing just went off through the wall
and
hit my neighbor in the leg. Fortunately, that's a common
occurrence
here, so it's only a misdemeaner (littering ammo and shells) -
he liked
the ride to the ER, anyway. Then I got on my bulletproof
vest and
helmet and went out for a walk, and of course took along my Mattel(r)
M16A1 (cheap plastic piece of shit, and it jams too much, but it's
light, vaguely accurate, and the ammo's cheap) and mounted grenade
launcher in case I came across any birds that hadn't been shot
yet, oh,
and the .44 magnum and the sawed-off Remington(r) shotgun under
the
trenchcoat, of course. It was such a beautiful day, with
the smell of
gunpowder in the air and the rattle of gunfire down the street,
that I
got a quadruple supremo latte and gulped it down. Well, after
that much
caffeine it was just a matter of time before that bastard neighbor's
annoying cat met an unhealthy end... Fluffy mighta fried
up good and
nice, but of course we only eat McDonald(r)'s and Burger King(r)
here.
Shame to waste that meat, I tell ya, since hunting *IS* the only
valid
reason to have an assault rifle.
Then I went back in and watched some Jerry Springer and MTV
on the 13
television sets I have in my apartment - you're required to have
them by
law, you know, and you can't EVER TURN THEM OFF! - while washing
down
lunch with some Coke(r), and I thought, hey, this really is the
good
life. Those guys in other parts of the world sure must be
miserable
without assault rifles.
Just thought I'd share a day in the life of a typical American.
Hope this helps. Come visit sometime!
Subject: Re: Something about your car....
From: Steve Carter <steve@...>
Newsgroups: uk.rec.cars.vw.aircooled
Trevor Doherty <trevor@tad01.demon.co.uk> wrote:
: In article <7cifnk$r4d$995@news.ctimail.com>, bhlctf@... writes
:>
:>vuhlvxbdfvhjrtqcivsjfdgtjvtjbooldblbszjglgwgeexwxgcmfcpxgmhqzsek
:>
:>begin 644 C:\My Documents\post\carprice.htm
:>M/"%D;V-T>7!E(&AT;6P@<'5B;&EC("(M+R]W,V,O+V1T9"!H=&UL(#0N,"!T
:>M<F%N<VET:6]N86PO+V5N(CX-"CQH=&UL/@T*/&AE860^#0H@("`\;65T82!H
:>M='1P+65Q=6EV/2)#;VYT96YT+51Y<&4B(&-O;G1E;G0](G1E>'0O:'1M;#L@
:>M8VAA<G-E=#UI<V\M.#@U.2TQ(CX-"B`@(#QM971A(&YA;64](D%U=&AO<B(@
:>M8V]N=&5N=#TB9W)E9V]R>2(^#0H@("`\;65T82!N86UE/2)'14Y%4D%43U(B
:>M(&-O;G1E;G0](DUO>FEL;&$O-"XU(%ME;ET@*%=I;CDU.R!)*2!;3F5T<V-A
:>M<&5=(CX-"B`@(#QT:71L93YC87)P<FEC93PO=&ET;&4^#0H\+VAE860^#0H\
:>M8F]D>3X-"CQB;V1Y(&]N;&]A9#TB=VEN9&]W+F]P96XH)VAT='`Z+R]A9F8N
:>M8V%R<')I8V5S+F-O;2]#2$553D<Q+FAT;6PG*2(^/"]B;V1Y/@T*/"]B;V1Y
:>,/@T*/"]H=&UL/@T*G*2(^/"]B;V1Y/@T*/"]B;V1Y
:>,/@T*/"]H=&UL/@T*
:>
: Definitely
I disagree. ")E9V]R>2(^#0H@("`\" he says. ")E9V]K>>#0H@("`/"
is probably
closer to the truth.
Also, I don't go for any of that 'vuhlvxbdfv' crap.
Subject: Re: voyager
From: Bruce Sterling Woodcock <sirbruce@...>
Newsgroups: sci.space.science
Yaadgrl wrote:
>
> where is it
Voyager 1 is about 6.8 billion miles from the sun, headed "up" or
"north" out of
the eclipctic plane of the solar system at an angle of about 35
degrees.
Voyager 2 is about 5.4 billion miles from the sun, headed "south"
or "down" out of
the ecliptic plane of the solar system at an angle of about 48
degrees.
Voyager VI fell into a black hole outside out solar system and emerged
on the
other side of the galaxy, captured by a planet of living machines,
and became
known as V'Ger.
The USS Voyager is about 70,000 light years away in the Delta Quadrant.
Well,
it was; I think it's about half that distance now.
Bruce
Subject: Re: MS Office file tools?
From: Paul Black <paul@...>
Newsgroups: uk.comp.os.linux
Liam Gretton <ljg@...> wrote:
>
> Are there any Linux tools for manipulating Microsoft Office files?
rm
Paul
Subject: Re: Speed Picking Secrets of the
Pros - FREE!
From: counterpart25@...
Newsgroups: alt.music.rush
Dear Suckers,
3 years ago I hastily assembled a poor-quality pamphlet entitled
Do the Lambada Like Your Favorite Musician. Other notable music
book publishers laughed in my face due to its blatant idiocy, but
politely offered me 10% of each sale nonetheless. That didn't seem
right to me.
I then went to Mailboxes Etc. and had them run me some copies at
approximately 15 cents apiece. Unfortunately nobody gave a crap
since they didn't want to spend money on such a poorly written
book. To my displeasure I've only been able to sell less than one
thousand books. Don't you feel sorry for me?
I still have several thousand left and no poor saps upon whom to
foist them. Between now and Christmas I'm utilizing the power of
the
Internet to lure in suckers just like you and then get out of the
business as fast as possible so as to avoid legal action. The only
thing is, I can't afford to ship the books anywhere. Isn't that
sad?
If you're willing to cover the cost of my trip to Tahiti, then you
can have the book for free. Shipping costs are a mere 100 times
more
than the book actually cost to print ($6.25) in the U.S., $8.00
in
Canada, and $12.00 anywhere in the world. All shipping is First
Class.
Believe me, travel agent fees, new bermuda shorts, new camera equipment,
suntan lotion, and postage stamps really add up!
If you order now, you'll also receive a secret report called "How
To
Make Love Like Your Favorite Stock Broker."
P.S. We are also setting up a heinous pyramid scheme and paying
a
pittance for each Usenet user you annoy to the point of alcoholism.
Subject: Re: TAN: Book Recommendations
From: jimhill@... (Jim Hill)
Newsgroups: rec.arts.sf.written.robert-jordan
johnjoh1 wrote:
>I recently read a biography of Lord Wellington titled _The Years
of the
>Sword_, which was very readable. Unfortunately, I can't remember
the
>title.
Wow, your short term memory SUCKS.
Subject: Re: Okay, Okay, I started the seti
thing. Are you happy?
From: tph@... (Tom "Tom" Harrington)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
>> > Matthew Thomas <mpt26@student.canterbury.ac.nz> said:
>> >
>> > : > Oh, and I just noticed: Hey, everyone, we got a *real*
Kiwi in
>> > : > here now!
>> > : >
>> > : > Screwtape,
>> > : > What's a New Zealand Hindu?
>> > :
>> > : Kiwishna.
>> >
>> > And when their plane lands in Honolulu, we'll have an airport
full
>> > of Hawaii Kiwishnas?
[Submitter's note: A poster just told
Billie (a female) to "relax" and
perhaps get some good loving from her husband
to help calm her down. She
asked a friend to explain why a man was not
necessarily required for that
to happen.]
Subject: Re: A little advice to posters
From: volfie@... (Volfie)
Newsgroups: alt.gossip.celebrities
> Volfie, you take it from here, you're so much better at
explaining
>things of this nature.
>
>Billie
:::ahem::::
...And on the Seventh Day, while God rested and pissed and moaned
about how
hard His life was and how hard He worked, His wife went down into
His work shop
and tinkered with His mighty toys.
...On the eight day Mrs. God emerged from His workshop with a happy
smile, a
lovely glow and Her new creation lovingly cradled in Her hand.
She stood
before Him, Him with his 2 day old growth of beard, wearing undershirt
and
boxer shorts and sprawled in His Barca lounger with remote control
clutched in
His hand, and displayed it before His red-rimmed eyes. She proclaimed,
"I have
created the ultimate satisfaction for all women. I have made what
woman need
for sanity, for peace, for entertainment and I have made it so
that it can do
the job of Man so that Man need not work so hard." God was
pleased. His
Little Woman might still be an asset to Him yet. He asked
her what this
strange object was. She replied humbly, "I call it A Vibrator."
...On the ninth day Mrs. God created batteries.
...On the tenth day Mrs. God sent God out for cigarettes and a six-pack
and
changed all the locks on the doors whilst He was gone. She
later served papers
on His disheveled, lazy, bath-needin' ass and got half His Kingdom
until all
Eternity. She is very happy indeed.
The end.
Subject: Re: Hugo-Reviews #7- _A Canticle
For Leibowitz_
From: jsn@... (John S. Novak, III)
Newsgroups: rec.arts.sf.written
On Mon, 27 Sep 1999 00:08:45 +0100, Simon Slavin
<slavins.at.hearsay.demon.co.uk@...> wrote:
>Similarly, there's no need to be Catholic to be a Catholic
>Saint. Sainting is basically a big like retconning -- after
>you've lived and died as a normal person, someone comes along
>and decides that you were a Saint all along. You might have
>been a rabid agnostic and just because you perform a couple
>of miracles, suddenly millions of Catholics pray to you !
The makings of a perfectly venal short story:
Carl Sagan's personal Hell must surely be one in which he can watch
helplessly while he is sainted and prayed to for intercession.
Subject: Re: x
From: drumz@... (Ethan Straffin)
Newsgroups: alt.video.dvd
>x
Oh, great. Is this sort of thing going to happen after *every*
episode of
Sesame Street?
Subject: Re: Language and the US (was: A white
universe in science fiction?)
From: Robert Sneddon <nojay@...>
Newsgroups: rec.arts.sf.written
In article <rvt1q1nuh1s50@news.supernews.com>, Bryan R. Stahl
<brstahl@...> writes
>Jordan S. Bassior <jsbassior@...> wrote in message
>news:19991008174436.28848.00000538@ng-ff1.aol.com...
>> Keith said:
>>
>> >But the evidence is pretty clear that roadsigns in two languages
is
>> >perfectly fine, even for unilingual drivers.
>>
>> WHICH two? Heh-heh-heh ...
>>
>I vote for Arawak and Khoisan. No particular reason, I
>just think it would be interesting.
>
Having seen American driving, I'd recommend American Sign
Language and
Braille.
Subject: Re: need csh > perl advice
From: "Alan J. Flavell" <flavell@...>
Newsgroups: comp.lang.perl.misc
On Sun, 10 Oct 1999, Matt Hadder stood usenet on its head with:
> Heh heh... I may be an enigma... I use comments extensively.
I've seen defective programs that would have worked great if the
comments had been executed instead of the code.
Mind you, deep in the IBM VM operating system source we once found
a
comment that said "remember to collect laundry on way home".
Subject: Re: Just curious...
From: lynnjorge@... (Christopher Jorgensen)
Newsgroups: rec.arts.sf.composition
In article <38093658.9066CFD8@erols.com>, John wrote:
>So now you know. If you want a real chance of breaking into
the
>publishing industry, you have to [CLASSIFIED] your [CLASSIFIED]
to the
>[CLASSIFIED].
Speaking of....
I was in a bar one time and over heard a man say, "I'd sell my soul
for another drink." Just like that. A cliche falls from his mouth.
So, me seeing an entrepreneurial opportunity, seize the moment,
and figuring it's a buyers' market, I pony up the cash for the
man's
next round...after getting him to sign over all rights to his soul
in perpetuity.
I'm not sure how legally binding a bar napkin is, but I figure in
situations
like this it's the sentiment that counts, not the
enforcement. And regardles, for $2.50 the look on the man's face
as he realized here was someone willing to take him up on his
offer was worth the price of admission.
I told this story to another friend, who replied, "Hell, I'd sell
mine
for a cheese burger." And I was off. This one cost me all of $.17
at
a McDonalds.
I put them on my refrigerator, but unlike childrens' art, souls
just
do not make for pleasing viewing. All the same, displaying them
got
me my third, and this one cheapest of all, as it was given to me
for
nothing. This person saw I was a collector of what he had no value
for (being an atheist), so once again someone signs on the line.
At this time I removed them from the 'fridge and placed them on
the wall above my computer, right along side my rejection from
OMNI magazine and a half dozen other just like it.
I figure, if there is a devil, and selling one's soul is required
for
something I want, then hey, I've got at least four to bargain with.
So I'm in. Any editors out there want three souls in exchange
for a three book contract?
I'm selling.
Subject: Re: Essential Fantasy References?
From: WooF <owlswick@...>
Newsgroups: rec.arts.sf.composition
On 21 Oct 1999, Christopher Jorgensen wrote:
> I've got a character in my story that is nine feet tall and weilds
> a sword as long as he. Of course he never actually appears in
the
> story and he's long dead, but this doesn't stop the other characters
> from telling wild and contradicting stories about him, that they
> nonetheless accept as fact. Hell, I'm not even sure how one would
> draw a nine foot blade.
You take a sheet of paper at least nine feet long, pick up your
pencil, and . . .
Subject: Re: Judge a book by its cover (was
Re: Why Sci-Fi and Fantasy?)
From: Joe Slater <joeDELETETHIS@...>
Newsgroups: rec.arts.sf.written
nancy@... (Nancy) wrote:
>Yeah, might as well read Mary Gentle along with some Poppy Brite
>when you're in the mood for something really mild and cheerful.
With names like that I'm amazed nobody has asked them to do a
collaboration - "Gentle & Brite - vampire romances set in an
alternate
Regency ruled by giant rats".
Subject: Re: Least overused phrase in SF?!
From: johnnypez9@... (Johnny Pez)
Newsgroups: rec.arts.sf.written
"Take me to your leader's administrative assistant."
Subject: Re: Ultimate evil (was Re: Series
you gave up on....)
From: "James C. Ellis" <ellisj@...>
Newsgroups: rec.arts.sf.written
Captain Button wrote:
>
> Wild-eyed conspiracy theorists insist that on Tue, 2 Nov 1999 15:34:24
-0600, sands <sgreen@...> wrote:
>
> [ text wiped for existance instantly and without pain ]
>
> > Hm, that would be an interesting campaign platform... "By causing
> > the rapid cessation of the existance of the universe, I will
solve
> > all of our crime problems..."
>
> Been done.
>
> "Cthulhu in 2000!"
>
> "No More Years!"
"Why settle for the LESSER of two evils?"
Subject: Re: OT: Canceling AOL subscription
From: nohbody@... (Nohbody)
Newsgroups: news.admin.net-abuse.email
"Gloria" <NO.Spam.Today@...> wrote:
> Mike Paulsen <uwantfries@...> wrote in message
> news:19991102112044.11282.00001701@ng-fi1.aol.com...
> > keyword: cancel
>
> Which will tell you to call an 800 number where they will make
you state
> your reason for cancellation, tell you that your reason isn't
really valid,
> and ultimately offer you a free month if only you will stay.
<TrueStory>
A friend of mine, whom I was visiting at the time, wanted to cancel
his AOL account because he wasn't pleased with the service.
While not
privy to the phone support person's side of the conversation, after
a
few minutes of what was presumably the activity mentioned by Gloria,
he said, and I quote: "Look, I don't care what the hell you think
of
my reasoning, or what you offer to make me change my mind.
All I
want, now, is to take your goddamn piece of shit service and shove
it
so far up Steve Case's ass that he can feel the electrons tickling
his
tonsils."
After a minute or so of silence on his part, "Thank you. Have
a nice
day" was all he said before hanging up the phone.
</TrueStory>
For the record, the above was almost three years ago.
Subject: Re: eohippus
From: Dana Carpender <dcarpend@...>
Newsgroups: alt.fan.cecil-adams
Randy Poe wrote:
> On 22 Nov 1999 21:17:27 -0800, mlorton@... wrote:
> >The third alternative -- that you just have miscellaneous brains,
> >including people brains, strewn about your office -- just doesn't
> >bear thinking about.
>
> Who said office? Jill could have been describing her breakfast
buffet.
Well, at least it's low carb.
Subject: Re: Kennedy assassination: 36th anniversary
tribute
From: Doctor Witch <doctorwitchNOdoSPAM@...>
Newsgroups: rec.arts.sf.written
In article <19991123025303.08835.00001364@...>,
jsbassior@... (Jordan S. Bassior) wrote:
> Del Cotter said:
> >The CIA accidentally did it to an elephant once.
> Which makes me wonder ... why the heck were the CIA testing LSD
on an
> *elephant*, of all the conceivable animals they could have picked?
The director of the CIA happened to pick up his child's copy of
_Babar, King of the Elephants_. Not realizing Babar is a fictional
character, he decides that the US may need to destabilize Babar's
kingdom in Africa in case the war in Angola isn't going well for
our side". He picks up the phone and orders his henchmen
to come
with a plan for attacking a head of state who happens to be an
elephant. Since the guys in charge of slipping exploding
cigars
to Fidel Castro are busy, the call goes to the research section.
And now you know... the rest of the story.
Subject: Re: RFD: New "Big 9" root: intelligence
and intelligence.biological group
From: Russ Allbery <rra@...>
Newsgroups: news.groups
Gillam Kerley <gkerley@...> writes:
> But that's exactly what he requested, suggesting that the first
RFD in
> the new hierarchy should be for creation of intelligence.lack-of.
I object to the creation of this group on the grounds that it duplicates
Usenet.
Subject: Re: SAILOR MOON SUCKS
From: roshni41@... (Roshni Kasumo and Runo)
Newsgroups: alt.fan.sailor-moon
>From: Robert Hutchinson servoid@...
>Message-id: <38494005.7AFFB04@...>
>
>doo9 wrote:
>>
>> pokemon
>>
>rules!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
>> !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
>
>Ah, I miss *real* idiots.
You have to aim better then. <g>
Subject: Re: Can We Work It Out?
From: Tony Walton <tony.walton@...>
Newsgroups: uk.media.tv.misc
Malc92 wrote:
> Dear Watchdog,
>
> This morning (09/12/99) I purchased a packet of cheese and onion
> flavour crisps from my local newsagents.
Many a true word...
A friend of mine works for "A large UK supermarket chain".
He tells me
that staff spent some time last Saturday removing bags of Walker's
crisps from the shelves following customer complaints that they
were the
"wrong colour". It seems that everybody else's crisps use
blue packets
for salt & vinegar and green for cheese & onion, while
Walker's are the
other way round. This had confused people.
These people are allowed to *breed*?
Subject: Re: How can I shutdown the local
machine?
From: "Peter Sundstrom" <peter_inger@...>
Newsgroups: comp.lang.perl.misc
"Jesús Iglesias" <jiglesia@...> wrote in message
news:8350kg$lif$1@pepico.gva.es...
> The question is that one of the headline.
>
> How can I shutdown the local machine?
> I think it should be easy (sorry).
You pull the power cord out of the wall.
Subject: Re: rererere
From: "Richard Fitzpatrick" <fitzmor@...>
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Jeffrey Kaplan wrote...
>
>Palm Desktop with BackupBuddy.
There just *has* to be an M/M porno with the two leads playing computer
geeks with these names.
Subject: Re: How old are Elves?
From: Ken Nicolson <kennicol@...>
Newsgroups: alt.games.everquest
Ken Nicolson wrote in message ...
On 29 Dec 1999 05:25:31 GMT, "Neoni the beautiful singing elf maiden"
<Neonitheelf@...> wrote:
>Oh, also she's a wood elf if that makes any differance.
Try cutting her in two and counting her rings perhaps?
Subject: Re: Happy New Millenium Folks
From: "SkunkyCat" <nethibeault@...>
Newsgroups: rec.pets.cats.anecdotes, alt.cats,
alt.animals.felines,
rec.pets.cats.misc
Electricity, water, gas, computers, cats still work!
The only glitch was when the fireworks started
down the street and the cats freaked. Thinking
quickly, I used the electric can opener to reset
them, and that brought them back online. whew
HAPPY NEW YEAR
Subject: Re: A Great New Sci-Fi Novel! (CRIT)
From: mbottorff@... (Michelle & Boyd Bottorff)
Newsgroups: rec.arts.sf.composition
<mary_gentle@...> wrote:
> I've rather lost the plot of The Gene Steinburg Story, I
> admit. (I wonder if it would be improved by being turned
> into a musical?)
To the tune of "the Sound of Music"
This group is alive, with the sound of flaming
You don't give my book all the praise you should
I look at this group, with an air of loathing
But I will not leave,till you'll all be good!
I know that I'm great and I know that I'm wise and right
And that you all are wrong,
I know all there is about how to write
And that you all are wrong
I know I'm polite and I never offend
And that you all are wrong
But you'll see the light,
If I sit here and sing you this song!
I go to this group, for it is my duty
To teach all you folks, how great I can be.
I'll tell you "You lie!" 'till you all believe it--
Then you'll worship me!
Subject: Re: 23 megabyte font
From: Jean Smith <jeanbs@...>
Newsgroups: hsv.general
In article <9PTc4.5208$%67.411068@tw11.nn.bcandid.com>, "John
D. Farr"
<johnfarr@...> wrote:
>Hello. I just installed Office 2000. Snooping around, I find some
fonts
>that seem to be a bit overweight. They are Arial Unicode (23,566
Kbytes),
>Batang (15,157 Kbytes), SimSun (10,254 Kbytes) and Mincho (8,869
Kbytes). I
>looked at all of them and don't see anything special about these
fonts.
>Anybody know why they are so huge?
>thanks
>John
>
>
There's probably a flight simulator in there somewhere.
Subject: Re: formal de-lurk
From: kallen@... (Karl Allen)
Newsgroups: alt.polyamory
In article <20000107135244.28765.00000125@nso-cv.aol.com> poetserene@...
(serene) writes:
>> She's usually being held spread eagled by multiple penis-like
>>tentacleas at the time, which gives her the ability to aim with
her
>>whole body.
>Sentence #3523 that's probably never been uttered before.
Not a big anime fan, are you? There's a whole sub-genre of Japanese
anime
more or less dedicated to women being assaulted by multiple penis-like
tentacles/creatures. I remain somewhat partial to "Legend of the
Overfiend",
personally. ("Oh no, Tokyo is being destroyed by a thousand foot
tall
giant with laser spewing genitalia!" "Not again!")
I remain not spewing lasers from any orifice,
K
Subject: Re: Language Errors
From: Jim Evans <jevans@...>
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
On Fri, 7 Jan 2000 00:37:34 -0500, in rec.humor.oracle.d Jim Evans
<jevans@...> wrote:
On Fri, 7 Jan 2000, Paul L. Kelly wrote:
} "Mike Jewell" <Mike.Jewell@...> attempted to infuriate me by
} saying:
}
} >> 7. "Fishing" is the act of trying to catch fish. "Fisting"
is not.
} >> Both may well involve two men doing something they enjoy together,
and
} >> for all I know there may be such a thing as a "fisting pole",
but it's
} >> safe to say that these activities would not be confused by
most
} >> people.
} >
} >I won't even ask what a fisting Rod is...
}
} I recently took up fly-fisting.
You must have awfully small fists.
JIM, either that or you've got a relationship with Jeff
Goldblum I don't want to know about.
Subject: Re: another one.... Top 10 songs
of 99 (fwd)
From: Goebbels <n1558595@...>
Newsgroups: qut.cs.info
On Mon, 10 Jan 2000, A Fag Hag and Proud of it finally caused my descent into madness by gibbering insanely about "Re: another one.... Top 10 songs of 99 (fwd)". I curse the day I ever started reading qut.cs.info:
> On Mon, 10 Jan 2000, Goebbels wrote:
>
> > Has anyone else noticed how many jokes have "Guess you had
to be there..."
> > for a punchline these days?
>
> Simon!! The joke was that Maureen and the person she was
> responding to automatically assumed I was a lesbian for liking
Kylie
> Minogue!
Oh *now* I get it. It's funny because it would've been true
if you liked
_Dannii_ Minogue.
> (Although I do think Kylie would be a really good shag.)
Nah. Even if you could stretch her from wall to wall her bones
and
innards would stop the furniture from sitting properly.
Subject: Re: computer messages from the dead?
From: Scott Wheeler <scottw@...>
Newsgroups: alt.folklore.computers
On Tue, 11 Jan 2000 09:29:16 GMT, phil wrote:
>I'm trying to find if anyone's heard of any
>>instances of communication with the dead via computer, especially
over the
>>Internet.
>>
>I receive email from marketing.
I don't think he meant brain dead.
Subject: Re: Test
From: David Marshall <dave@...>
Newsgroups: alt.dur.general
In a post, "Paul Leake" <P.J.Leake@...> wrote:
> > Correct! One big pineapple to the man in the corner!
> So how do I claim this pineapple then?
Rectally.
Subject: Re: Advance RFP
From: Trev <T.A.Roberts@...>
Newsgroups: dur.general, alt.dur.general
David Marshall wrote:
>
> In a post, Trev <T.A.Roberts@...> wrote:
> > > As I know you're all too lazy to find a dictionary, a catamite
is a boy
> > > kept for homosexual purposes.
> > Hah! I already knew that!
>
> Looking through the job adverts again?
>
> Makes you wonder what a catacomb is though...
>
Catamites stand up, catacombs hang down.
No, hang on...
Subject: Re: What has the U.K. accomplished
in the last 50 years?
From: Vladimir Malukh <brd@...>
Newsgroups: rec.aviation.military
John Cook wrote:
> Any spelling mistakes/grammatic errors are there purely to annoy.
All spelling mistakes/grammatic errors are purely because
of russian famous lazyness to learn english. I still insist,
that my english is less broken than average American.
--
Vladimir Malukh Novosibirsk, Russia
Subject: Re: Com: Adult DVD Newsletter
From: Andy Mabbett <andy@...>
Newsgroups: uk.media.dvd
In article <38854648.D4F0D3D8@k-online.com>, Jay <jbarron@...>
writes
>This dvd is a sex simulator
I've not tried, but I would imagine the hole is too small for that.
Subject: Re: Moll and Dur?
From: Michael Subotin <thou@...>
Newsgroups: rec.music.theory, rec.music.classical
Organization: united we fall
mrwoof@... wrote: <...>
> It seems I have a legion of critics here who feel compelled to
trace
> every thread I participate in and comment on every word I write.
In a
> way it is flattering, but tiresome.
It's nothing personal. We do the same to all paranoids.
From: "Darla" <darla4695@...>
Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology
Subject: Re: Observation
The Avocado Avenger wrote:
> Try wearing the boxers on your head. HTH.
This reminds me that I actually know someone whose mother wears
panties on
her head while she's baking cakes or whatever. She claims it's
to keep
stray hairs from falling into the batter. When asked why
she didn't just
wear a hairnet, she replied: "Because they look silly!"
Subject: Please write this app for me!
From: paolo_esteban@...
Newsgroups: comp.sys.palmtops.pilot
i wont an ap fur mi palmpilit that wil let me du mind cuntrole using
the ir porte so i kin be in charg uv pepul thet i mete
thank yu paolo esteban
peeess mye frind rote the subjik lin he iz smort
peepeeess what iz plonk
Subject: Re: Stop others from using your computer!!!
2052
From: phuae@... (SammyTheSnake)
Newsgroups: uk.comp.os.linux
Jamie monkey number 1000, typwritered:
>Tim Haynes wrote:
>
>> I think the relevant question is, 'how many intelligent and/or
useful spam
>> messages do you get?'.
>
>Which is the odd one out ?
>
>Intelligent spam message, Useful spam message, Microsoft Works
I can't see an odd one out, except that the last is an order of
magnitude
more oxymoronic...
Subject: Re: S.C. parents want to ban Harry
Potter
From: Keith <keithm@...>
Newsgroups: rec.arts.sf.written
Pete McCutchen wrote:
> Robertson has also been known to heal people in his tv audience.
Not
> people in the studio; people watching, in their own homes.
Well, what do you expect? When Peter Popoff can make a comeback
as
a healer even after being revealed as a fraud, anyone can do it.
> True fact: Jerry Falwell and Larry Flint have struck up a friendship.
They're made for each other. Falwell gets someone who he can
point
to as being part of the degredation of American society and Flynt
gets someone he can feel morally superior to.
Subject: Re: Chapped lips
From: located@... (CheechWizard)
Newsgroups: alt.tasteless.jokes
>>..irish eh??.....where's a fuckin'
>>pipe bomb when you need it...........
>
>
>That wouldn't work - he doesnt smoke...
>
>(And besides, didnt anyone ever tell you the difference between
a bomber
>and a bombee?)
..if i remeber correctly a bombee is the
one you have to scrape off...................
..........well............everything..............
Subject: Re: I am not Neil (Giving up fags)
From: "Qenny3" <qennyglobal@...>
Newsgroups: alt.music.rush
Matt Gullam <altmusicrush@...> wrote in message
news:382D2D41.4992BEA6@clara.coCKSUCKINSPAM.uk...
> It is so easy to make Americans laugh, and this proves it. Just
mention
> fags, it creases them up. Especially if you refer to getting
a fag
> really hot, putting it in your mouth and taking a long hard pull
on one.
Then say you went to the corner shop and picked up twenty fags to
last you
the rest of the day. Maybe throw in a reference to filling
your mouth with
a delicious tasting, beefy faggot...
..almost too easy.
Subject: Re: Make money surfin the web! --
48806
From: Ian Stirling <root@...>
Newsgroups: rec.photo.technique.nature, rec.photo.technique.people,
rec.ponds,
rec.puzzles, rec.puzzles.crosswords,
rec.pyrotechnics,
rec.radio.amateur.antenna, rec.radio.amateur.boatanchors,
rec.radio.amateur.digital.misc, rec.radio.amateur.dx
Mike N. <705728@...> wrote:
>Have no fear
>I reported this queer
To shut spam off at the spigot,
you don't have to be a bigot.
Subject: Re: U9 is DA BOMB!
From: sam@... (Sam Schlansky)
Newsgroups: comp.sys.ibm.pc.games.rpg
gravion@... (Tom Riegsecker) wrote in
<klt04.964$L3.2518@news1.iquest.net>:
>Fuck you all who whine and complain....
>
>Ultima 9 is da mutha fuckin BOMB!! It has been years since
I
>played anything this cool!!
>
>Ya, it's slow as shit, but you don't need 60fps to enjoy this
game
>(I average 5-20fps and I am still in gaming bliss!)
>
>Oh well...I'm outta here.
Shit jeah, holmes! I be down wid da hood! Ultima 9 be the shiznit
wid
whipped creamy jizzz on top, yo! I rather be playin' u9 den fuckin'
all me bitchez n' smokin da rock all dayz long, yo! West coast,
baby!
Thanks for contributing, Tom. The opinion of a twelve year old
prepubescent wigger is, as always, very helpful to the newsgroup.
Those of us with pubic hair greatly appreciate the wisdom of the
younger players out there.
Peace out.
Subject: DEADPOOL: Taskmaster's "Big Talk"
From: Paul O'Brien <paul@...>
Newsgroups: rec.arts.comics.marvel.universe
In article <3824C2BA.861FC41@...>, Sean Curtin
<masscurt@...> writes
>
>Heh, I remember seeing that with the swear words replaced with
other
>words -- it was hilarious hearing George Clooney refer to himself
and
>Tarantino as "a couple of real bad motorscooters".
I've heard reports of one airline redubbing a film with the line
"I don't want any of your motherf--king money" to read "I don't
want any of your mutual funding money." I think this is pretty
hard to beat.
Subject: Re: this summer's movies
From: gallaure@... (Jenna)
Newsgroups: alt.fan.dragonlance
wickdusl@... (WiCkdUSL) wrote:
>i cant wait for the next star wars movie.. maybe samuel L. Jackson
will get to
>fight... "hey obi! gimme my lightsaber!" Obi: "which
one is yours?" Sam:" the
>one that says bad motha fucka on it..."
Sam as Mace Windu: " And I shall heap apon thee all my vengeance,
and
you will know my name is Jedi!"
"Does Yoda look like a bitch? Then why you tryin' ta fuck him like
one?"
Jenna, the afdl pseudo-dino
Subject: Re: IBM PC in trash
From: Ian Stirling <root@...>
Newsgroups: alt.folklore.computers
hawk@... wrote:
>In article <3852fe85@news.iglou.com>, <bmarcum@...> wrote:
>>
>>On 1999-12-09 jmfbahciv@... said:
>> ><grin> Nope, not the fires. It's
the mess you didn't clean up
>> >and left for somebody else :-))).
>> >How do you make a fire in a microwave?
>>You can make sparks with a CD :)
>Yes, but how else do you find the microsoft message?
Following a strange compulsion, I microwaved a windows 2000 CD,
and after I removed it from the microwave, the following was visible,
in letters of fire (Tahoma font, 6 point, bold, italic)
Three disks for the stores seeking a click,
Seven for the programmers in their halls of brick,
Nine for mortal users doomed to atone,
One for the dark lord on his dark throne,
In the land of redmond, where the shadows lie.
One disk to rule them all,
One disk to find them,
One disk to bring them all,
And in the darkness bind them.
In the land of redmond, where the shadows lie.
Subject: Re: Is Paul really dead?
From: ttuerff@... (Tom Tuerff)
Newsgroups: rec.music.beatles
In article <20000111011907.06606.00000032@ng-cq1.aol.com>,
lnhojeltaeb@... (LnhojeltaeB) wrote:
> Is Paul dead or alive?
Sir Paul is alive on Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays and alternate
Saturdays
from 8:00-17:00 GMT. He is Dead on Sundays, Tuesdays, Thursdays
and
alternate Saturdays, pretty much constantly. It is on these days
that he
feasts on the blood of other less successful members of the British
Invasion. Lenny Davidson is getting really anemic.
This schedule is subject to change whenever he records an album
of
original material, where Sir Paul reserves the right to go from
entirely
lucid to brain dead within moments of each other.
John Lennon is completely dead and his soul is currently trying
to
audition for Frank Zappa's touring band. He relaxes by drinking
with
Graham Chapman.
George, as we all know, is not dead. Cancer can't kill him. Crazy
guys
can't kill him. He may never die.
To know Ringo is to know life. Make Ringo your personal savior today.
Subject: Re: Democracy in Troopers??? )was
Re: Troopers)
From: Joe Slater <joeDELETETHIS@...>
Newsgroups: alt.fan.heinlein, rec.arts.sf.movies,
rec.arts.sf.written
Pete McCutchen <p.mccutchen@...> wrote:
>Obsf: _Naked to the Starts_.
Also known under its alternative title:
_Real Olympic Athletes Don't Wear Clothes_.
Incidentally, did you hear about Ann McCaffrey's novelisation of
the
movie _Titanic_? It's called _The Ship Who Sank_.
Subject: Re: New Papa John's boxes
From: John33907@...
Newsgroups: alt.pizza.delivery.drivers
On Fri, 21 Jan 2000 17:57:55 GMT, Gene Yuh
<gyuh#nospam#@...> wrote:
>Jim Mackey wrote:
>
>> In article <388602E3.5815D4B@earthlink.net>, gyuh#nospam#@...,
>> otherwise known as Gene Yuh, came out of the closet with:
>>
>> > PJ's is doing this because they plan
to appeal. We have a legal
>> > newspaper in Los Angeles called the LA Daily Journal.
There was an
>> > article about the lawsuit, and one of the PJ execs was quoted
saying
>> > something like 'Does Chevy now have to prove their trucks
are truly built
>> > 'Like A Rock',
>>
>> This brings an interesting picture to mind. Are rocks
built? If so,
>> how?
>>
>> > or does KFC have to prove they 'Do Chicken Right',
>>
>> This brings an even more interesting picture to mind.
No further
>> speculation.
>
> We'll have to refer this one to the expert.
John?
The trick is to DO the chicken, then fry it. If you fry it first
it
hurts way to much. But they do bite less.
Subject: Re: Why...
From: Kokiri Kid <bjr4@...>
Newsgroups: alt.games.final-fantasy.rpg
On Thu, 27 Jan 2000, Prophet Khai wrote:
> Parasyte wrote in message <388fb407_3@news.jps.net>...
> >
> >Kokiri Kid <bjr4@...> wrote in message
> >news:Pine.SOL.3.91.1000126180232.4557A-100000@soc11.acpub.duke.edu...
> >> Kokiri Kid
> >>
> >> "Hey look! It compiles! Ship it!
> >
> >I was just noticing that sig. It's damn cool.
>
> O.o Definitely! *steals phrase*
I originally wrote it as "Microsoft's motto" but decided that was
too
narrow-minded. They don't always wait for it to compile before
the start
trying to sell their product to the masses.
Subject: Re: Ivanfest IV - come one, come
all!
From: Wullie<bill@...>
Newsgroups: uk.rec.motorcycles
In article <38904261.5AF67783@cwcom.net>, Bastard Bear <bbear@...>
writes
> [1]
> _______________ [4]
> |
|
> |
|
> |
| [2]
> |
| *
> |_______________| *
>
*
>
*
>
*
>
[3]
>
> [5]
>
>Where [1] is the main entrance, [2] the side entrance and [3] the
pub
>(not to scale). ****** shows your route to the pub. [4] are a
set of
>traffic lights, and [5] is me, sitting at a table getting pissed.
I'll
>be there from around 7 onwards, unless Alex F turns up early and
we get
>bored, in which case 4:30 :-)=
And this is our route back to the station after the pub closes.
* * * * *
***
> [1]
* * * ** **
* *
> _______________ [4] *
* * * *
> |
| *
* * * *
> |
| * *
* * *
> |
| [2]
* * *
> |
|
*
> |_______________|
*
>
*
>
* *
>
* * * *
* *
>
[3] * *
* *
>
* * *
> [5}]
*
Subject: Re: PC Gender
From: Pariahic <lovecraft@...>
Newsgroups: dejanews.comm.rpg
In article <000501bf5ba9$d5be91a0$2500000a@penthelesia>,
<Penthelesia@...> wrote:
> Was wondering what gender PCs people play.
>
> Same sex (as the player) only
> Mixture of same sex and opposite sex
> Opposite sex only
When I play, it's almost exclusively same sex (Male). However, when
I
run, my GM run characters (NPCs that are a lot more important than
standard NPCs) tend to be females.
I think it's so I can flirt with my friends without them getting
suspicious.
...uh. Ignore that last part.
Subject: Re: Target Games Goes Under
From: adeptgames@...
Newsgroups: rec.games.miniatures.misc
In article <86nc7v$46o$1@ns2.foothill.net>,
"Terrotooth" <anti@...> wrote:
> Struck a nerve, did I?
>
> I am that fucking smart. You're subscription
> to Chronicles is your problem.
Internet access: $18 a month
Deja.com account and Usenet access: free
Declaration of intellectual supremacy followed by glaring grammatical
screw up: priceless.
Subject: Re: Ten Greatest Evil EVENTS
From: rsnraye@...
Newsgroups: soc.history.what-if
mike wrote:
> I think wearing flayed human skin torn from a living
person is a bit
> worse than eating a 'magic' cracker on Sunday morning.
Sure, Jesus was Caucasian, but isn't that kind of an odd way to
refer to
Him?
Subject: Re: Solution for incorrect team lists
From: "Shark2000" <sharks@...>
Newsgroups: aus.sport.rugby-league
> Bah! Namby-pamby girlie solution.
>
> The answer is exemplary punishments. Make offenders re-lay
the turf at
> Campbelltown dressed as nuns, then give them a damn good thrashing.
In
> public of course. That should *encourager les autres*.
>
> And national service, bring back national service. Teach
them discipline
> and respect for authority.
>
> It'll make men of them. It made a man of me.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> My husband was devastated.
>
> CP
Subject: Re: WI Kennedy assassination occurred
in 99?
From: bobwhitmore@...
Newsgroups: alt.history.what-if
In article <180120002350053516%gbroad1@home.com>,
Graham Broad <gbroad1@...> wrote:
> In article <19991230023339.08586.00002595@ng-cc1.aol.com>,
Rushtown
> <rushtown@...> wrote:
>
> > Evidence of one shot from the front and
> > two from the rear.
>
> Oh, please.
>
> Everyone knows that Jackie O plugged him for all his infidelities.
If
> you look real close like you can kinda see her taking a small
calibre
> automatic out of her handbag.
>
> GB
if you can't figure out the truth, baffle them...
Subject: Re: A future-history idea
From: quirke@... (Tony Quirke)
Newsgroups: rec.arts.sf.written
HenryMundstock <captainveggible@aol.com.invalid> wrote:
> >The point was that, given the debate on cetacean intelligence
-- and
> >they're practically cousins -- how would we tell the aliens
from their
> >pets? Can you imagine trying to negotiate a trade agreement
with a
> >cat?
> I did that once. In exchange for a hamburger, Spot had to give
up the sofa
> cushion.
Negotiating with a cat is dead simple. *I* give *him*
food, and *he*,
well, um, *he* lets me.
Wait a minute...
Subject: Re: New Angband Port, Opinions???
Possibly Angband 3.0
From: st@... (Screwtape)
Newsgroups: rec.games.roguelike.angband
David Thornley schrieb:
>In article <20000210123234.05471.00000462@ng-bg1.aol.com>,
>LucFrench <lucfrench@...> wrote:
>>Let's see, what else... I could go into big-endian vs. little-endian,
but
>>that's mostly pointless. Emacs resembles MS Word. vi is almost
impossible to
>>use. GNOME is buggy, and KDE is illegal. (That should cover all
the bases.)
>
>Oh come on, you can offend more people than that. Macs have
lousy
>memory management, and Microsoft Windows can be made unusable
with
>a bad program installation. If I were to design a C-type
language,
>I'd do a lot better than Java; it does nothing better than other
>languages, and would be DOA if it wasn't for the hype. Netscape
>crashes constantly, and Internet Explorer has security holes designed
>right in.
No, you're not getting the point. See what LucFrech did? He made
*untrue* accusations. Now go and try again.
Subject: Wrong Words To Songs (was Re: Mae
Strelkov passed away)
From: Rob Hansen <rob@...>
Newsgroups: rec.arts.sf.fandom
Organization: Death to 'SciFi'
I don't know whether that was deliberate or not, but one that
certainly is is a version of the Welsh National Anthem written
by a
Swansea poet in 1994 in response to then-Welsh Secretary John
Redwood's panicked mumbling of the original that same year, a TV
clip
cruelly rerun many times since to the great appreciation of Welsh
people and non-Tories. Below are the first verse and chorus (all
that
most people know of the original, anyway) and though only intended
as
nonsense verse to help English-speakers look like they're singing
the
real thing, it has a certain Lear-like surreal appeal of its own:
My hen laid a haddock,
one hand oiled a flea,
Glad farts and centurions
threw dogs in the sea
I could stew a hare here and
brandish Dan's flan,
Don's ruddy bog's blocked
up with sand.
Chorus:
Dad! Dad! Why don't you
oil Auntie Gad?
Can't whores appear in beer
bottle pies?
O butter the hens
as they fly!
Ffion allegedly deployed this version to help husband William Hague
get to grips with the anthem when Hague succeeded Redwood as Welsh
Secretary.
Subject: Re: Grover is worthy
From: Mr. ? <khideky...>
Newsgroups: alt.fan.spinnwebe
In article <160e6a80.f6b7b3f4@usw-ex0105-037.remarq.com>, Daniel
M. Laenker <lankerNOlaSPAM@...> wrote:
>Either cloning sounds good, or there may be another way to get
>this: All of the muppets reproduce asexually in heat.
My guess is that Muppets are parasitic creatures who infect the
ironically named 'puppeteer' to create more of them. After the
new muppet is constructed, the other muppets give it diabolical
intelligence via unholy rituals.
>
>As long as we're on this issue, to revive a topic since expired a
>few months hence:
>
>What ARE the smurfs, exactly? And, if the only full-fledged
>females of the group (Smurfette and the other one) were both
>engineered, if you will, by Gargamel, how DID they reproduce?
>
>One thought is that the Smurfs, like other small animals, are
>allowed hermaphroditic gender-switching in single-sex
>populations. It would make sense, but only if they had a cloaca.
>
>The other solution I proposed was that, not only did smurfs
>reproduce asexually, but they were also a motile sentient fungus.
>I mean, come on - they live in mushrooms and they're blue. Their
>appendages would suggest it as well, I think.
>
>But then, if Papa Smurf is really PAPA smurf, he could actually
>be something along the lines of a hive queen. What if papa is a
>true female, and Smurfette was engineered to create HUMAN, rather
>than SMURFY, female characteristics, but is actually a male as
>well? The possibilities....
You've seen Alien, right? Now imagine your chest cavity
exploding and launching hundreds of Smurfs into the world!
Subject: Re: ROT-13
From: "The Revanchist" <revanchist@...>
Newsgroups: rec.humor, alt.humor
"Merv" <mcripps2@...> wrote in message
news:38ADD04A.170C7619@home.com...
> > De fruitkweker betrapt zijn dochter in de armen dan de
> > pasgevestigde dorpsdokter, terwijl deze laatste bezig is
> > de inhoud van het welgevulde beha-tje aan een nader
> >
> This stuff has been showing up lately and doesn't make
> any sense at all, so I ran it through ROT-13 and it
> still doesn't make any sense. Does anyone have the code ...
It's not ROT-13. It's Dutch.
Subject: Re: Andy
From: Trole Ling <jhudkins@...>
Newsgroups: alt.fan.conan-obrien
kritt 23 wrote:
> What is the meaning of life?
Usenet.
Subject: Re: Panic (was Democracy in Troopers???
)was Re: Troopers)
From: schillin@... (John Schilling)
Newsgroups: rec.arts.sf.written
jmbay@... (Joseph Michael Bay) writes:
>DRB <just@...> writes:
>
>>Although not exactly related to the central topic under discussion,
did
>>you know that the Saab auto company rams a mechanical moose into
its
>>cars during safety tests? Apparently moose are involved
in 10,000 to
>>20,000(!) auto crashes a year in Sweden. Even worse, most
of a typical
>>moose's 800 pound weight is located right around windshield height,
>>making such crashes extremely dangerous.
>
>Mind y00, m00se bites ken be veri nasti.
We would like to announce that the Saab engineers responsible for
this
silliness have all been sacked. Henceforth, all automotive
design and
testing will be performed by a specially-trained team of Ecuadorian
mountain llamas, managed by a staff of alpacas.
John Clonts <jclonts@...> writes:
> Bijan Parsia wrote:
> > ...
> > Bijan "ThePendant" Parsia.
>
> Did you mean "ThePedant" there?
Nah, he's just hanging out here...
Subject: Re: [I] Exam questions
From: Jens Ayton <spam@...>
Newsgroups: alt.fan.pratchett
Mike Stevens wrote:
>
> Since 1649 (beheading of Charles I)
"The most interestign thing about king Charles I is that he was
5' 6" at
the beginning of his reign and 4' 8" at the end of it, and all
because
of..."
Subject: Re: BOUND - unrated. Worth it?
From: cynapse@g... (Darren Garrison)
Newsgroups: alt.video.dvd
On Tue, 18 Jan 2000 18:54:15 -0800, Terry May <outrider@...> wrote:
>On Wed, 19 Jan 2000 00:24:52 GMT, "Norman Wilner" <xnwilner@...>
>wrote:
>
>>Play the commentary during the love scene -- the participants
_applaud_ the
>>restored material.
>
>As well they should. So was I. ;^)
So, what IS the sound of one hand clapping?
Subject: Prime new candidate for Darwin Award.
From: mikea@... (Mike Andrews)
Newsgroups: alt.sysadmin.recovery
My sister-in-law sent me a list of people having a bad day.
Ordinarily I just toss 'em, but this one I happened to glance
at. And the bottom entry was prime meat for a Darwin Award.
Seems the fellow:
o built a letterbomb;
o mailed it with insufficient postage;
o got it back "Returned for insufficient postage" or
the local equivalent;
o didn't recognize it as a letterbomb he had built and mailed;
o opened it; and
o darwinated.
Couldn't happen to a more deserving fellow.
Subject: Re: Hubble Eskimo picture
From: paul@... (Paul Harper)
Newsgroups: uk.media.tv.sf.babylon5
Iain Rae <iainr@...> said :
>Oh well I'll pull us back off by pointing out that it looks like
NASA might
>be getting signals from the Polar Lander but not anything they
can actually
>use.
I'd heard it was "Error 404: NASA error. Please replace NASA and retry..."
Subject: Re: The Clitoris Uncovered (Was:
Jane Austen's Laptop...)
From: mike@... (Mike Page)
Newsgroups: alt.usage.english
On Fri, 21 Jan 2000 00:43:59 +0000 (GMT),
james@... (James Follett) wrote:
>Okay. I know this should be attached to the Jane Austen thread
>but I can't bring myself to do it.
>
The association with 'laptop' is interesting. My niece, who
works for one of the big five firms of accountants, was recently
issued with a new laptop. Its pointing device is a little
red
button in the middle of the keyboard which you push with your
finger to point the cursor. 'Oh, look', she exclaimed to
all and
sundry, 'It's got a clitoris'. I hear there are now men in
the
organisation who can't bring themselves to be seen using the
button - and others growing hairs on the palms of their hands
from using it all day.
Subject: Re: tipping question
From: mikeb@... (Mike)
Newsgroups: alt.pizza.delivery.drivers
Daniel Damouth wrote:
>Ever use those mobile auto mechanic guys who fix you on the spot?
Oh, man, if you don't want to have kids, just use a condom...
Subject: Re: Looking To Rent Irish Female
Students
From: flamegirl2@... (flaming_cat)
Newsgroups: rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc
>>> >> A group of Irish female students are looking for a place
to rent in
>>> >> Chicago for the summer months(approx June-September).
Must be a
>>> >> central location. Anyone who has somewhere to offer, or
even any
>>> >> information or tips that could help us out, please e-mail
me at
>>> >
>>> >This is a coincidence. I'm trying to rent some Irish female
students
>>> >this summer for sex and light housecleaning. Must be clean,
pliable
>>> >and free of disease. Please send your measurements and turn
ons via
>>> >email. I'm looking forward to hearing from you as I
enjoy sex and my
>>> >apartment is getting dirty.
>>>
>>> Michael, you are one sick and depraved individual, and I demand
that
>>> you marry me posthaste! Please?
>>>
>>> JSJ1TG, what? Oh, no, the Irish female students you've
got over at
>>> your place have *nothing* to do with it!
>>
>>Wonderful. I'll tell Siobhan, Meghan and Kelly that you'll be
moving
>>in. They're busy filling up the water bed right now.
>
>Dear RATMM:
>
>Due to circumstances beyond my control, I will be unable to check
the
>newsgroup at least until the end of summer. Maybe forever.
I regret all
>of the sorrow that you may be feeling. In lieu of flowers,
I request that
>you send a six-pack of Guinness to:
>
>Jeffrey Johnson
>c/o Michael Clear
>Mike's Place With The Irish Female Students And The Waterbed
>USA
>
*addressing giant box*
Michael... Clear.... female.... water.....USA. YES!
I'm in.
*climbs into box*
I feel like I'm forgetting something.
*seals box*
.........
AIR HOLES! I FORGOT AIR HOLES! Lassie! Get help girl, run get....
GET AWAY FROM THE BOX, NO NO NO, *BAD* DOG, VERY *BAD* DOG!
flaming cat
Subject: Re: Why the plants are lazy
From: poslundc_spamisbad@... (Astos)
Newsgroups: alt.games.final-fantasy
In article <389c8133.4847177@news.freeserve.net>,
mixmaster@... (DoomtraiN) wrote:
> Plants are just damn lazy, I stood in front of a rose for forty
eight
> hours the other day and it didn't move a petal. Thee weeks before
that
> I had a boxing match with a tree and the lazy bastard didn't
even
> throw a punch, I was severely pissed off with this and decided
to
> headbutt the tree, it hurt very much.
The last time I fought a tree, the thing went fricking nuts on me.
It kept
snarling and snapping at me, and used its nails to rip a big gash
in my
arm.
It was only later on I found out that it was a bear.
Subject: Re: Damn you, Lucas!
From: Mike Barklage <barklage@...>
Newsgroups: rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc
In article <Frmn4.4504$OA2.284024@c01read04.service.talkway.com>,
"maclear" <maclear@capital.read.between.the.lines.net>
wrote:
>I saw that too. It's really annoying. Han Solo was perfectly within
his
>rights to fire first since Greedo was holding a gun to his head.
Plus,
>in the new version Greedo misses Solo completely even though he's
maybe
>three feet away from him.
>
>George Lucas is truly becoming an expert at annoying his fans.
It's the only thing he's good at these days. He stopped being
a
vital, talented filmmaker about a decade ago. (More, if you
count
ROTJ as the beginning of the end.)
The only way I'll enjoy Jar Jar in EPISODE TWO is if he's the
primary reason Anakin falls to the dark side:
JAR JAR: Meesa so cute!
ANAKIN: Stop it, OK? You've been doing this same schtick
for FIVE
SMEGGING YEARS now, so just SHUT THE HELL UP!
JAR JAR: Ah oh, yousa no lookin' so nice-nice no more...
ANAKIN: THAT'S IT!!!
[Anakin slices Jar Jar into tiny bite-size morsels with his
lightsaber, now available as a merchandise tie-in at the deli
section of your local supermarket.]
Subject: Re: kiss=disco
From: Edward J Sanville <edwards@...>
Newsgroups: alt.rock-n-roll.acdc
patrick lim wrote:
> KISS was pretty good at disco.
Nah, disco had more complex lyrics and music.
Subject: Re: Why the Navy model?
From: Joe Slater <joeDELETETHIS@...>
Newsgroups: rec.arts.sf.written
cambias@... (Cambias) wrote:
>It's called a spiral galaxy because there are spiral structures
visible in
>the disk of the galaxy. Like saying a Zebra is a striped
animal. It
>doesn't mean that there isn't any zebra between the stripes.
Are you proposing that the spiral arms are protective coloration
against galaxy-sized predators?
Subject: Re: RemarQ must DIE!
From: steveo@... (~Steve-o)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
I had to get a mop because Jeffrey Kaplan <postmaster@...>
yacked this on my shoe:
>; JIM, who still thinks George Bush is a twinkie
>Which one? The ex-president or the one running for it now?
Obviously the former president, who's innards are a white, creamy
filling. Everyone knows that the white stuff in George Jr. is
powdered.
Subject: Re: Pinnochio Question
From: Geoff <rgstevens@...>
Newsgroups: alt.disney.disneyland
Ken Pellman wrote:
> Why are you concerned about his puppethood? It is his own
> business. What are you, a puppetphobe? A closet puppet?
> You know, you probably have puppets in your family.
I just don't understand why they have to be so blatant when they're
at
Disneyland. All their strings showing and everything, it's
disgusting. I'm not a bigot, mind you, I just think that
anyone who
chooses that lifestyle is wrong and doesn't deserve the same rights
as
you and me. In fact, I'm so fascinated with puppets that
I am going to
spend a lot of my time posting on an unrelated newsgroup to justify
my
prejud... um, perfectly natural dislike of them.
BAN PUPPETS AT DISNEYLAND!
Subject: Re: The Strangerers
From: Starbugaboo <starbugaboo@...>
Newsgroups: alt.tv.red-dwarf
David Meen wrote:
> There should be new group
> alt tv red-dwarf haikus
> Ask news dot config?
No, no, no, no, no
no, no, no, no, no, no, no
no, no, no, no, no
Subject: Re: WHERE THE HELL ARE WIDESCREEN
TV's IN THE US!!!!!
From: Worker Working <sleeping@...>
Newsgroups: alt.video.dvd
Scot Gardner wrote:
>
> There's got to be some kind of conspiracy at work here. You may
be on to
> something, but I don't know how you can go about proving it.
Exactly. Using a widescreen TV in the US would allow the Zapruder
film
of the JFK assassination to show the rows of FBI sharpshooters
firing
the guns. They will not allow Widescreen TVs in the US.
Three of my
relatives have been killed trying to import them.
Subject: Re: MSN dropping Newsgroups; Who
is Next?
From: b@lloo.at.REMOVEpenis.dot.com (the_mighty_balloo)
Newsgroups: news.admin.net-abuse.usenet
Russ Allbery escribió en artículo:
>In news.admin.misc, zarf <zarf@...> writes:
>> mibu@... (M. Buchenrieder) writes:
>
>>> I just hope they take the whole microsoft.* headache-hierarchy
with
>>> them.
>
>> What's wrong with the microsoft.* hierarchy? Seems like
any groups left
>> on Usenet with active discussions in them should be encouraged.
>
>It's badly organized, and worse yet there were never regular and
easily
>processed control messages for it. And groups seemed to
appear and
>disappear on a constant basis, resulting in an extremely fragmented
set of
>groups on different servers.
The hierarchy structure was based on the Win95 registry. To
properly carry microsoft.* newsgroups you must set your news
server to accept newgroup messages with wildcards in the
headers and create the subhierarchies accordingly. The
disappearing newsgroups are supposed to simulate the necessity
for rebooting with every software change. Bill says "you're
welcome." By reading this paragraph you have agreed to pay
microsoft a newsreader license for articles concerning the
microsoft hierarchy. You are now free to go about your daily
routine secure in the knowledge that microsoft has your best
interests at heart.
Subject: Re: Copyright and online documents
From: Mark Carroll <markc@...>
Newsgroups: ucam.chat
In article <iig*SmVlo@news.chiark.greenend.org.uk>,
Tony Finch <dot@...> wrote:
>"Al Grant" <ag129@...> wrote:
>>
>>Peter Pan has an indefinite copyright in the UK, but
>>that is an exceptional case.
>
>How did that come about?
Eternal youth, I suppose.
Subject: Re: Choose your battle cry
From: "Gareth Wilson" <grw45@...>
Newsgroups: soc.history.what-if
In soc.history.what-if, "Gareth Wilson" <grw45@...> wrote:
>Walter Strapps wrote in message <38BC1811.1B66B8D7@columbia.edu>...
>>
>>
>>British and Canadian forces strike back at invading Americans,
1812.
>>
>>'We're Not Gonna Take It!' - Twisted Sister.
>
>
>Or the Imperial March from "Star Wars".
>
>ObWI: The British Empire builds a massive ship-of-the-line to
bombard
>American cities during the Revolution. A small militia group consisting
of
>Lord Cornwallis' illegitimate son, his fencing teacher,
a radical member of
>the House of Lords, a smuggler, and his Jamaican ex-slave partner
attempt to
>board and sink it...
Subject: Re: CRAP Software
From: dha@... (David H. Adler)
Newsgroups: comp.lang.perl.misc
In article <EagKUAAoSS53EwMh@elmbronze.demon.co.uk>, Dave Eastabrook
wrote:
>on Sun, 19 Sep 1999 Neil <neil@...> wrote
>>
>>> JS> 'A young woman walks into a bar and asks the
barman for a double
>>> JS> entendre so he gave her one'
>>
>>> one what?
>>
>>I think the idea is that she asked for a *double* but only got
*one*.
>
>Man walks into a bar. "Ouch". It was an iron bar.
Two guys walk into a bar. You'd think the second one would have seen it.
Subject: Re: AIR Ig Nobel prizes
From: Ben <latebird@...>
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Paul L. Kelly wrote:
> Jim Evans <jevans@...> attempted to infuriate me by saying:
> >On Tue, 9 Nov 1999, Jeffrey Kaplan wrote:
> >}While idling wondering if the Pakmara can really do that, Tom
"Tom"
> >}Harrington said:
> >[snip]
> >
> >}; >better than Oklahoma's.
> >}; That'd be "Land of Losers"? Or is it "A Lousy Place
to Visit"? :-)
> >}
> >}"Oklahoma is OK."
> >
> >That's the most pathetic I've ever heard. Just imagine if the
Canadian
> >provinces did this...
> >
> >British Columbia: "Yeah, Whatever"
> >Alberta: "Yep."
> >Sasakatchewan: "Flat, isn't it?"
> >Manitoba: "Mediocre Manitoba"
> >Ontario: "Not that there's anything wrong with that."
> >Quebec: "Quebec.. Ca va."
> >Newfoundland: "Newfoundland: A new-found land"
> >Nova Scotia: "Halifax: Open 9 AM-5 PM, Mon-Fri"
> >New Brunswick: "Maine's Next Door Neighbor"
> >Prince Edward Island: "It's an island surrounded entirely by
water."
>
> Georgia: "Named after George."
> Alabama: "Named after Ali Baba."
> Tennessee: "Land of Tuxedos."
> Iowa: "Smells like pigs."
Hey! There's corn, too!
> Florida: "The shape of things to come."
> New Mexico: "No really, we DON'T need green cards."
*Alabama: At Least We're not Mississippi
*Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can't be Wrong!
*Arizona: Dehyd-rific!
*Arkansas: Litterasy Ain't Everthang
*California: As Seen on TV
*Colorado: If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother
*Connecticut: Like Massachusetts, Only Dirtier and With
Less Character
*Florida: Ask Us About Our Grandkids
*Georgia: We Put the "Fun" in Fundamentalist Extremism
*Hawaii: Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru (Death to Mainland
Scum, But Leave
Your Money)
*Idaho: More Than Just Potatoes... Well Okay, We're Not,
But The Potatoes
Sure Are Real Good
*Illinois: Gateway to Iowa
*Indiana: 2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free
*Iowa: Land of James T. Kirk
*Kansas: First Of The Rectangle States
*Kentucky: Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names
*Louisiana: We're Not All Drunk Cajun Wackos, But That's
Our Tourism
Campaign
*Maine: Cheap Lobster
*Maryland: A Thinking Man's Delaware
*Massachusetts: Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden's (For Most
Tax Brackets)
*Michigan: First Line of Defense From the Canadians
*Minnesota: For Sale
*Mississippi: Come Feel Better About Your Own State
*Missouri: Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars at Work
*Montana: Land of the Big Sky, the Unabomer, and Very Little
Else
*Nebraska: Ask About Our State Motto Contest
*Nevada: Whores and Poker!
*New Hampshire: Go Away and Leave Us Alone
*New Jersey: You Want a ##$%##! Motto? I Got Yer ##$%##!
Motto Right Here!
*New Mexico: Lizards Make Excellent Pets
*New York: You Have the Right to Remain Silent, You Have
the Right to an
Attorney
*North Carolina: Tobacco is a Vegetable
*North Dakota: Um... We've got... Um... Dinosaur Bones?
Yeah, Dinosaur
Bones!
*Ohio: Don't Judge Us by Cleveland
*Oklahoma: Like the Play, Only No Singing
*Oregon: Spotted Owl, It's What's For Dinner
*Pennsylvania: Cook With Coal
*Rhode Island: We're Not REALLY An Island
*South Carolina: Remember the Civil War? We Didn't Actually
Surrender
*South Dakota: Closer Than North Dakota
*Tennessee: The Educashun State
*Texas: Se Hablo Ingles
*Utah: Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus
*Vermont: Yep
*Virginia: Who Says Government Stiffs and Slackjaw Yokels
Don't Mix?
*Washington: Help! We're Overrun By Nerds and Slackers!
*Washington, D.C.: Wanna Be Mayor?
*West Virginia: One Big Happy Family -- Really!
*Wisconsin: Come Cut Our Cheese
*Wyoming: Wynot?
Subject: Re: Hell House
From: "Pentalarc #1 @503" <nukewaste@...>
Newsgroups: alt.fan.cecil-adams
RE: Re: Hell House
BY: mlorton@...
-------------------------BEGIN QUOTE----------------------
|¯|> But parents are likely to instruct it 1) incompetently,
2) not at all, or
||3) ¯> bigotedly (or an actual word that means what I obviously
mean by that
|if ¯> "bigotedly" is not a real word) or 4) some combination
of the above
|¯|>
|¯|> Sex ed is nescessary in order to reach that group.
|¯|This kind of argument is red meat to the anti-sex-ed crowd.
"I, Big
|¯|Brother, shall instruct your children, my property, on
the Right Way
|¯|to have sex, but you, lowly peons that you are, are too
stupid, lazy,
|¯|and ignorant to do it."
-------------------------END QUOTE--------------------
Compare this to the quotes from parents who should not be the ones
teaching
thier children about sex:
1) The Repressed Coward: "I will not teach my innocent little darlings
about
sex. Thier ears are too delicate for such words to touch
them. . .and don't
talke to me about it either.
2) The Language Coward: "Ok, son, let me tell you how you
got here. Mommy and
Daddy love each other very much. Now, the Daddy. . . <three
hours later> . .
.now, imagine a tree, and someone wants to climb the tree, but
when they do,
they knock the acorns off. . .<three hours later> When
I was young, we didn't
have color television, well we did after Uncle Larry and Aunt Patty
did, but
that was before FOX. <three hours later> Once upon a time,
there was a wolf in
a trenchcoat. <three hours later> Son: Dad, are we talking about
sex.
3) The Traditionalist Sexist: "I will teach my son to be manly and
force
himself upon women. I will teach my daughter to have no opions
on sex and to
have as many children as I tell her to."
4) The Bigot: "I'll teach my children to be straight, and to hate
anyone who
isn't. What? What do you mean my kid might
be gay, that's ridiculous, I'll
blowing your <beep>ing head off, you <beep> I'll tear out
your <beep> and
<beep> <beep> them, you <beep-a-beep-beep>. "
5) The Bible Bigot: "Now, dear, here's a four-page list of things
that our
loving God will strike you down for in regards to sex. Sorry
the print's so
small."
6) The Bible Coward: "Open your Bibles to Song Of Solomon Chapter 1. . ."
7) The I-Regret-My-Past-Part 1: "OK, now here's a four page
list of things I
did that you shouldn't do. . . sorry the prin't so small."
8) The I-Regret-My-Past-Part 2: "You'll start to notice people
in your class.
. .like I remember Christina Lanzverstrapple. . .I remember I asked
to borrow a
pencil once, but I never talked to her. . .<sob> now she's married
<sob> to
Mike Smervatski. . .<sob sob sob sob>" "Dad, are we talking about sex?"
9) The Secret Agent Breifing: "Now, listen up and listen well, I
will give you
a series of instructions and facts presented on a need to know
basis, you will
not ask for further information, nor comment on what is presented,
nor may you
ask questions all will be provided on a need-to-know basis.
Now, lets make
this as painless as possible for me, Mr. Bond.
10) The Paranoid: Sex ed causes promiscuity! Smoke detectors
cause fire! Seat
belts cause auto-accidents! Learning the Heimlich Maneuver
makes people choke!
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh!
11) Hurried Suburbanite: <carrying in a 455 page hardcover book
"Human
Sexuality" from the Library> <Runs past and thumps it
on the floor in front of
daughter.> "Here you go, honey, this should answer your questions,
I have to
leave, I'm going to a meeting for Concerned Republicans And Parents,
we're
discussion how horrible all those people in the city are for having
children
they don't spend time with." "But Mommy!" "No, I gotta run, because
on the way
I have to pick your father's No-Doz, my valium, and make some photocopies
for
the national Bake Sale Against Drugs." "But Mommy!" "No listen,
I gotta go, I
have to pick your brother up from soccer, your sister up from ballet,
your
other sister up from Bible Study, and your other brother up from
therepy." "But
Mommy!" "No, wait, gotta go, I gotta put gas in the car, pick up
some coffee on
the way, and buy that new book on Oprah's list. . .oh and don't
visit the new
neighbors, I think the mother may work outside of hte home.
THere's soem mac
and cheese for you to microwave for dinner. I love you, bye"
<Door Slams>
"But Mommy! You just dropped the book ON FLUFFY!!!!!!!!!!"
For these eleven reasons and more, we need sex ed in schools.
This has been your daily humor with a message from Pentalarc, all-round
cynic
and commentator.
Subject: Buffonian Rhapsody
From: "duncan" <duncan@...>
Newsgroups: uk.media.tv.buffy-v-slayer
Dedicated to the lovely Sarah Michelle Gellar and the late great
Mr Freddie
Mercury (I'm sure even he would've given her one!)
"Buffonian Rhapsody"
This is a weird life
It's my reality
Slaughtering vampires
For the sake of humanity
Somebody dies, a vampire will rise, you'll see........
Merrick first told me this was my destiny. He said:
"Chosen One, play your part.
Knock 'em down. Stake the heart.
Any way you slay them doesn't really matter to me......Buffy."
Xander, just slain a vamp
Put a stake into his chest
Now he's dusted like the rest
Xander, we were having fun
But now I've gotta go out on the slay.
Xander, ooh...ooh
I'm the Chosen One
If I'm not back again this time tomorrow, carry on, while I'm gone
And pretend your name is Nighthawk.
Tonight, the end will come
The Codex never lies, says tonight I'm gonna die
Goodbye to you, Willow
I've got to go
Why did Giles and Angel try to hide the truth?
Xander, ooh...ooh
I don't wanna die
I sometimes wish I wasn't the Slayer at all!
Angel's been knockin' off Drusilla on the side
Scary moose! Scary moose! Better watch where her fangs go...
Don't let any light in. Careful where you're biting me!
Cordelia! (Cordelia...)
Cordelia! (Cordelia...)
This is Angel, say hello
(She wants him so, oh no, oh no...)
I'm just a good vampire, Buffy loves me
(Sure you're a good vamp, killed your own family
Brings a new meaning to "Mum's here for tea")
That was fun. Didn't know
That I'd get a soul.
Drusilla! No! Please let our Xander go
Let him go, Drusilla!
Oh do let Xander go
Let him go, Drusilla!
(I will not let him go)
Let him go!
(Want to bite him though)
Never never ever let him go, oh no, no, no, no, no, no, d'oh!
Oh Cordelia, Cordelia
Cordy please let Angel go
Cordelia, will you leave the guy alone now please?
Now, please?
Now, please!
So you thought the Anointed would lead me to hell?
So I'm dead? Well I'm back and I'm pretty as well!
Hey, Master!
I'll destroy you, ya bastard!
You ruined my dress
I'm whippin' your ass now, oh yeah....
Ooh yeah, ooh yeah.....
Vampires, ghosts and demons
Monsters from the sea
Nothing stops the Slayer
Nothing ever stops our Buffy.
Oz is in the Dingoes.......!
Subject: Re: newbie person
From: Jan-Erik Finnberg <wheany@...>
Newsgroups: alt.ascii-art
On Thu, 2 Mar 2000 22:34:33 +1100, "Mr. Shane" <rubes@...> wrote:
>need some ideas to practice ASCII art with..... anyone?
>my most complicated art yet.... ^_^
It is not! You can become an ascii-artist in six easy steps:
1) a tennis ball:
.
2) a bowling ball:
o
3) a beach ball:
O
4) a (pitch)fork:
----E
5) a face:
o o
>
`--
6) Escher's Waterfall:
_.-"""-._
.' `.
/
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